


Our Last Steps

by purgatorgy



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Other, Romance, Slow Burn, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-05-02 05:26:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 42,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14537619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatorgy/pseuds/purgatorgy
Summary: You find Joel stranded, beaten, and left for dead. You decide to save his life in return for a companion. Will you and Joel be able to handle fireflies, raiders, infected, and the worst: Ellie's teenage drama?(pls read, im so bad at summaries, i promise that it's good, i got goosebumps rereading this junk)





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so there are practically zero joel x readers on here so I decided to write one with the help of my friend Allison! It is a joint effort between us, and sadly she doesn't have an account for this site so rip (but she is posting this on wattpad and her user is @silvergravity)
> 
> Before you read, please know that there will be eventual smut and a romance will happen between the reader and Joel soooo  
> Please enjoy y'all

March 18th was the day when I first encountered Joel. I recall that it was getting even more challenging to keep up with the months ever since the entire epidemic happened. The days began to blur together, to get lost in a quick void that was life. Life itself was getting increasingly difficult to live. If you weren’t running for your life from the infected, you were trying to fight for it from military personnels and raiders.

You could never get a fucking break. Maybe that’s why I decided to intrust Joel with my help, because I knew that if I didn’t, he was as good as dead. Or maybe I was just lonely.  
-  
I grasped the straps of my backpack that contained my gear that I used when I did my annual supply runs. I really disliked doing supply runs because I had always hated putting myself at risk. I could defend myself just fine, but it was getting harder and harder to run away from everything the world threw at me. I had almost died on numerous occasions, so you could have only imagined how hard it was to live through each day. I would have rather remained holed up in the sanctuary I called my home. 

Anyways, I had decided to go on a supply run in the first place because my food supply was lacking. I was running extremely low on food, I had enough to get through about three or four more days. Since I lived alone, it was much easier to use my rations sparingly. I rarely ate, only to the point to where I had enough strength to get through fights. Not that I ever got into them, seeing how I never left my humble abode. 

My hands were shaking as I took a step outside of my home, the mission that lied before me causing me to feel frightened. I resided on a large farm, since it was much easier to hide in a gigantic farmhouse, rather than a small apartment or something. Plus it was located in the middle of nowhere, so if it ever got to the point where I was being followed, I could lose my predator in the woods around the farm. 

I had a car, one that I had used ever since the outbreak first happened. Gas was becoming as scarce as food, both had become progressively hard to find. I made sure that the doors to my house were locked and I began to trudge towards the car. It was early in the morning, the sun just starting to peek out from behind the turning moon, the dew fresh on the high grass. I had always loved the morning air.

I climbed into the car, the door groaning as I shut it behind me. My foot pushed onto the gas pedal as I started it up and began to pull out of the long driveway. I was heading to a warehouse that I had been raiding from pretty much since the end of the world started. I always got in and out quickly, seeing how I knew the place like the back of my hand. Not many people even knew it existed, and I never shared the information with anyone seeing how I hardly even saw anyone else anyways. 

People took sides quickly when everything happened, and no one helped anyone in need. Survival of the fittest I guess. 

-

I was just getting back from the warehouse, my trunk full from everything I took, when I noticed a body lying in the road with a group of raiders around it, and they looked as if they were attacking it. I instantly hit my brakes, the car screeching and swerving towards the scene, causing the raiders to scatter away from the body towards the woods.

I jumped out of my car to see if the person the raiders were beating on was still conscious, hell, if the person was even still alive. I slowly grabbed my pistol out of the leather holster that was adjusted around my waist as I walked towards the body. 

It was a man, and he looked as if he were in his mid to late forties. He definitely wasn’t an infected, I could tell just by looking at him. He was beat to shit, but he’d live if I helped him. Sticking my gun back in the holster, I knelt down and checked his body for any serious wounds or bites. He had a few scrapes and cuts that could easily be healed but nothing too serious that was out of my control. 

Before I dragged this unknown man into the back of my car, I looked to see if any of the raiders were lurking around waiting to jump me too. I saw a few sudden movements in the bushes near the woods but I brushed it off. I pulled up the sleeves of my white, old shirt and grabbed the man’s legs as I pulled him across the gravel back to my car. 

It was a struggle and it took a lot of time, but luckily I gained strength after the world went to shit. Once I got him lied down in the very back of my car, I quickly ran to the front seat and drove back to the old farmhouse that I called home. 

-

After I returned back home, I brought the man into one of my spare rooms. His large frame once again proved to be challenging to move, but luckily, I still had enough energy to pull him into the house. 

I laid him down on the spare bed and began to clean him up. I got a wet rag from the kitchen and started to wipe down his dirty face. Gentle groans tumbled through his lips as I cleaned the dirt and grime from his mouth. 

Being so close to this unknown person caused me to feel frightened in a way, but mostly excited. I hadn't been face to face with someone in so long, and the thought of being so close with a person caused me to feel happy that I might have a new companion. 

After I wiped off most of the blood and dirt, I finally got to see just how attractive this man was. His brows were drawn tightly together, as if he were thinking, or contemplating something. There were deep lines edged into his face, showing off his age. He was a good ten years older than me, his beard and hair were even starting to gray. His lips looked soft and warm, but they were pulled into a tight frown. 

I pulled back away from the man, and stood up to return the rag back to the kitchen. I watched his large, sleeping body for a moment, taking in his appearance. 

His clothes were old and worn, and cut up to hell. Those raiders really fucked him up good, and I didn't think that the clothes were even worth salvaging. I knew I had something lying around somewhere that he could wear. 

I turned away from his body and walked towards the kitchen to return the rag to its proper place. I suppose that it seemed silly, keeping up with cleaning the house and putting everything where it was supposed to go, since the rules of life had changed. I guess old habits die hard. 

After I left the kitchen, I made my way into the backroom of the house where I remembered some clothes were stored by the previous owners. Whenever I reached the room, I scavenged through the old shirts and pants, and found a pair that looked like they might fit the man. It was a rugged green flannel shirt, and worn blue jeans. They would work much better than what he already had on. 

I grabbed the clothes and made my way back to the bedroom where the man was lying. I hoped that he was going to wake up soon, so I could ask him about himself. Who he was, where he was from, why he was being attacked. 

The moment I arrived at the bedroom, my heart dropped and I felt all of the blood rush out of my face. The man wasn't in the bed, and the room was completely empty. 

I turned to run away from the room, the fright of an older and much stronger man attacking me overtaking logic. I didn't get far, seeing as how strong arms wrapped around me, but not before grabbing my pistol out of its holster on my pants. 

I cried out in fear, and started to thrash against the powerful force holding me. 

It was no use, the man just grasped me tighter, causing me to gasp out for air. He was like a python, wrapping his body around me, taking my breath away. 

“Stay still,” he commanded, his voice deep and country accent thick. I instantly stopped moving and felt all the energy leave my body. 

I felt him lift my pistol up towards my skull, and I shuddered when he pressed it to my head, the barrel cold against my scalp. I shuddered in fear, the thought of this man killing me made me feel frozen

“Where's Ellie?” He demanded, the concern laced throughout the entire question. 

I trembled in his tight hold, as I shook my head erratically, my voice failing me as I attempted to whimper that I didn't know who “Ellie” was. 

He pushed the barrel into my head even more, and shook my body viciously as he said, “You better start speaking up little girl, or else you won't be able to talk at all.”

“Please,” I begged, “I don't fucking know who Ellie is! You were alone when I found you, I saved you, you were being beaten by a group of raiders, I swear to god-”

The man cut me off by removing his arms from around me. I instantly dropped to the ground, my body feeling relieved from the pressure being taken off of it. I looked up as I caught my breath, and I took in the huge form in front of me. 

The man was so intimidating, his large frame enveloping my vision. He looked down at me, his face contorted in confusion. 

“They weren't raiders. They were fireflies.”

I heard of fireflies a few times prior to this situation. They were a group of rebels, a militia group. They revolted against military oppression in numerous Quarantine Zones, in the hopes of eventually restoring the US government. They were certainly a group to be feared. 

I stopped for a second to imagine what this man could have done to make four men with armour and machine guns beat on him in the middle of nowhere.

“And what did you do to piss them off so bad?” I said as I lifted myself up, brushing particles of dirt and dust off of me. 

The man sighed and stumbled across the room to the bed I had provided for him, tossing my pistol on the wooden floor. I picked it up slowly, sticking it back in the leather holster around my waist. 

“I’m actually not the one who pissed them off.” He said

“Somehow I find that hard to believe” I scoffed, “ What’s your name?”.

“Joel,” he bluntly said.

It felt merely awkward conversing with “Joel” considering he had just stuck my own gun to my head. He glanced over at me as I sat down on a rickety chair across the room from the bed he was sitting on. 

“Why the hell did you help me anyways?” he asked, “I didn’t need you to drag my ass all the way to wherever the hell we are.” 

I laughed coldly to myself and then sat upright in my chair, “You see that’s what’s wrong with everybody in this world. Nobody helps anybody anymore, and if someone does, the asshole that they helped is never fuckin’ grateful. You wanna rewind time and make it so I never dragged your ass in the back of my car, old man? You wanna go back and die on the damn gravel? Please, be my guest.” I got up out of my chair and proceeded to walk out but suddenly I felt and hand on my arm pull me back.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly as he slowly let go of me. 

I pulled away and walked halfway through the door, “There’s clothes for you on the floor over there. I suggest you change and go find your missing “Ellie”.” 

I marched out of the room and down the stairs into the main living area of the farmhouse. I looked out of the window to see the sun setting. Even though the world had gone to absolute shit, it could still be beautiful at times. 

A few minutes later I went into the kitchen to find something I could give to Joel. I grabbed an old granola bar that had been in my cupboards for who knows how long, and a few other small things to give to him as I heard the floorboards creak behind me. Before I could even turn around I felt a cold, metal object being pressed against the back of my head. 

I closed my eyes in annoyance, “What the hell do you want from me, I fucking helped you.” 

Suddenly I heard an unknown, low voice fill my ears. “I think you’re mistaking me for somebody else. Where is he?” 

I stuttered, as I wasn’t sure if i should play dumb or give away Joel’s whereabouts. 

“C’mon now, I can’t put a bullet in such a pretty girl, now can I?” said the voice 

I stayed silent as i heard more and more footsteps approaching us. The man turned me around so i was facing about a dozen other men armed with assault weapons, still with the gun up to my head. 

The farmhouse had an upstairs, where Joel was. And a basement, where I was going to say he was. 

“Uh- he’s in t-the basement. To your left, just down those stairs” i said 

The man slowly removed the gun from my head and walked towards the basements stairs with the other soldiers following behind him. Once they were out of sight, I quickly walked to the stairs and rushed up each step to retrieve Joel and get ourselves the fuck out of there. I paced to the room in which I had stuck Joel only to find him not anywhere to be seen. 

All of a sudden I heard a yell from downstairs and the loud thumps the men’s boots were making as they walked across the wooden floor. 

“PAN OUT, FIND THAT ASSHOLE!” 

I nervously looked in all of the rooms to find Joel before the firefly assholes could get to him first but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I ran back into the room in which I had Joel in and opened the window to jump out.

Once I had landed safely on the ground I instantly regretted not looking hard enough for him. But what could I do? I would’ve been caught. 

I had thought to myself that maybe Joel had already left to find Ellie before the fireflies had gotten there, but deep in my gut, I felt guilty. 

I turned to run into the woods, deciding to just leave everything behind instead of risking my life, when I felt someone jerk my arm, causing my body to go flying backwards towards the ground. 

I fell on my shoulder, the pain inducing a loud shriek from my throat. The ache was sharp, and it caused my vision to go blurry. 

“Now just where do you think you're going?” A dark voice asked, the question making a chill run down my spine. 

The man was very large, his stature towering over mine. The colossal man was covered in dirt and filth, as if he had never taken a shower. His dark grey shirt (which used to be white) was tattered and shredded. I could see his cruel, disturbing smile that was set in a permanent sinister snarl, and I knew instantly that he would kill me in a heartbeat. There was no humanity in his face. 

I started to crawl away from his massive form, my body moving back quickly across the dirt. I gasped in fright whenever he began lurching towards me, and I thought that there was no way to escape, not from this monster who was set on ending me. 

Luckily I didn't have to worry about the frightening man before me because a gun shot rang out, making me close my eyes, my ears ringing in pain. After the pain was somewhat bearable, I looked back up towards the face of the man only to see a bullet hole pierced between his two eyes. I managed to pick myself up and grab my gun that had fallen out of it’s holster. I turned around to see Joel standing there lowering his gun down, insinuating that he was the one who shot the man. 

“Let’s go,” beckoned Joel. 

I looked back at the farmhouse once more before running off with him into the woods.

-

A few hours later we were side by side in complete darkness, trying not to make too much noise. The only light that was visible was the moon’s glow, gleaming through the leaves of the tall trees. After walking for what seemed like ages, we found an old, broken down cabin where we could stay for the rest of the night. 

Once we got into the cabin we made sure that it was clear of infected, then we sat all of our things down and lied on the hard floor a few feet away from each other. I still couldn’t see much of anything in the room but the moon’s light was shining right down onto Joel. I looked over at his lied down body and saw a watch around his wrist. 

“Your watch, does it still work?” I asked softly. 

He looked down at the watch, his face serious and dark. I instantly thought that I did something wrong by asking him. 

“No.”

I had figured that Joel had been through enough hell already so I didn’t bother to load him up with questions, no matter how curious I was. The questions could wait I suppose. I turned my body away from him and closed my eyes, it seemed as if he didn’t want to carry on the conversation, let alone talk to me at all. 

“What's your name?”

Joel's voice surprises me, and I look over to him, the moonlight showing the curiosity in his face. 

“I'm y/n,” I reply, and Joel just nods.

“My daughter gave it to me” he said, nodding to the watch wrapped around his wrist, “The night that all of this bullshit happened, as a birthday present.” 

I opened my eyes and turned to face him again. 

“Ellie?” I asked

“What? No, Ellie’s not my kid” Joel paused for a few seconds, I could tell that he was getting upset, “Sarah.. Her name was Sarah. She...I-” 

I cut him off, “It’s okay, you don’t.. need to talk about it. I’ve lost people too.” 

He let out a small sigh of agreement, and turned his body around to face the wall, and I instantly knew that the conversation was over. 

-

Unfortunately I didn’t get much sleep that night. I stayed up thinking about what was going to happen to me, to him, and to whoever Ellie was. I had lost my home, Joel and I had a team of fireflies on our asses, and Ellie was apparently missing. 

I rolled over to see a sleeping Joel on the other side of the small room, the sunlight pouring in from the broken window. It was then that I noticed him wearing the clothes I gave him. The sight actually caused me to smile a bit.

I got up and brushed off the dust that was on my pants and shirt, then I stuck on my backpack and went over to Joel to wake him. 

“Hey,” I nudged his shoulder slightly, “We should probably get a move on.” 

I felt his body roll over as I let go of his broad shoulder. He looked at me, seemingly in a daze as he stood up and grabbed his things as we left the cabin. 

“Ellie.. where is she?” I asked as we were walking along. 

Joel tilted his head over at me, “The last thing I remember is getting separated in a strip mall. I went to go look for her and a group of those assholes grabbed me.” 

“Well, where exactly are we even going?” I finally asked. I had been pondering that question all night, wondering what was going to take place next.

Joel kept walking as he grumbled something under his breath, but it was too low for me to decipher. 

I squinted my eyes in annoyance as I watched his back and questioned, “What did you just say?”

He stopped walking, and turned to look down at me, his stance imposing mine. I had to get used to how damn intimidating he was. 

“I said that you don't have to go anywhere with me. You saved my life, and then I saved yours. We don't owe each other anything.”

His blunt statement had me fuming, the words that just uttered his mouth baffling me, furiating me. 

I didn't hesitate in stepping closer to his face, doing my best to show that I wasn't afraid of him just because he was a much larger, and stronger human being compared to me. 

“If you don't fucking recall, it's your fault that I can't just go back to my home, seeing how there are a bunch of fireflies running everywhere,” I snarl out to him, my anger getting the best of me. 

He laughed mirthlessly, but there was no humor in the sound. He leaned down closer to me, his height almost humorous to mine, seeing how I was minuscule compared to his giant form. 

He didn't show any sign of backing down as he growled, “I didn't remember begging you to bring me back to your place. So don't try to put it all on me.”

Those words sat with me because he was completely right. I was the one who saved him and took him back home, I was the one who couldn't bear to leave him there to rot. Suddenly all the fight was taken out of my body. 

“I'm sorry that I have humanity and couldn't leave you there to die.”

Joel's face instantly softened as he backed away from my face, seeing how defeated I felt. 

“I never said that I didn't appreciate it, okay?”

I tightly nodded and stared at the ground, too embarrassed to actually make eye contact with him. 

“Hey,” He says, nudging my shoulder in order to capture my attention. I looked up at him, feeling frustrated. His eyes were soft and friendly, which was a weird way to see this man since he's a hardass. 

“I'm going to Wyoming to find my brother Tommy. He has a group there, I told Ellie to go there if we ever get separated. It's the only place I can think of where she could possibly be. I have to try.”

I nodded, and looked him deep into the eyes. 

“I'm coming with you.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Joel find a new group, but at what cost?

Chapter Two, Three weeks later:

-

I could feel my body slowly waking up as I felt the bright sunlight gleam against my face. I heard the birds chirping and the crisp sound of rushing water. I turned my body slightly so the sun wouldn’t directly get in my eyes. I finally opened them only to see Joel standing with his back turned to me, he seemed to be looking at something in the distance. 

“Mornin’,” I said, still with a sleepy tone in my voice. 

Joel turned around to face me, “Hey, I’m actually glad you’re awake” he said, his usual one monotone voice was now somewhat excited, “I think I see something, come here, look.” Joel gently grabbed my hand causing me to get up from the torn up sleeping bag I was in.

A few days before we had decided to set up a small campsite near the edge of a ravine up in the mountains, just outside the city. There was a rushing waterfall just across the cliff’s edge and we seemed to be merely away from the infected. It was better than being stuck in a run down cabin in the middle of the woods, if I do say so myself. 

“I don’t see anything Joel” I said while fixing my hair the best I could.

“Oh would you just look? Over there, to your left.” 

Joel pointed his long finger towards the other side of the ravine. As I looked closer, I could see a metal object sitting behind some trees leading into the forest. 

“That looks like it could be a.. a gate or maybe the side of a car.. I don’t know, Joel.” I said in an irritated voice. I was starting to become annoyed, seeing how I could be asleep but instead, I was being hassled by Joel. 

“Well then” Joel puffed up his chest while raising both eyebrows, “I’ll go check it out while you sit here and pull that stick out of your ass.” 

I scoffed and lightly tossed my arms in the air, “You go and do that then.” 

He “hmped” in response as he walked off from me, pulling his gun out of its holster, clearly becoming annoyed at my attitude. 

Joel and I hadn't grown very close within these past weeks. The only thing I really knew about him was that he was from Texas, he lost his daughter named Sarah, and that he had a brother named Tommy. Besides that, he's not only a closed book, but a locked one. The key must've been thrown away a long time ago.  
He never even really made an attempt to get to know me, to get to relate to me. It seemed as if he didn’t even care. Regardless, I still enjoyed his company. I felt safe with him.

Sometimes.

I turned back towards the sleeping bag, it was as if it was calling out to me. We had been on the road for days, never once taking a break, and my body was starting to feel it. The sound of the birds chirping, the feel of the warm, April air beckoning me to go back to sleep. 

As soon as I made my way to the sleeping bag, fully intending on returning back to sleep, I heard a twig snap. My head snapped back towards the noise, and I pulled out my gun slowly in response. The sounds of the forest always had me on edge, and the thought of a clicker being out here with me had me frightened. Joel could always take down the clickers much easier than I could, but he wasn’t there with me.

I slowly stepped towards the area where the noise was produced, but nothing was to be seen. The gentle noises of the forest returned, the cry of the birds, the sound of running water, the quiet discord of the wind. 

I shook my head in annoyance; I really needed to learn not to constantly be on edge. It had to be bad for my heart. I turned back towards our makeshift camp but I instantly stopped in my tracks.

A man was standing there. 

From there, I moved quickly, by pulling out my gun and pointing it towards him, adrenaline rushing through my veins. It was getting much harder to trust people these days, especially with everything that happened back at the farm. The only person I could really have trusted was Joel, and I barely even trusted him.

“Whoa whoa, there’s no need for all of that,” The man said with his hands raised in the air, and a kind, tender smile drawn on his face. It instantly made me feel on edge since most people weren't friendly, I felt like I was being tricked, that he expected me to lower my gun.

I didn’t.

“My name is Reuben, I have a community. I noticed the fire burning up here, and I wanted to invite you and whoever else,” he gestured to the two sleeping bags, “to come join us. We are always looking for people to help, and for people to help us in return.” 

“And how are we supposed to just trust you so easily?” questioned a voice from behind me. I turned back to see that it was Joel, and his gun was raised just like mine. I felt instantly relieved, the thought of Joel being there to back me instantly made me feel safe.

Reuben chuckled warmly, which caused Joel to glare at the man, a scowl painted on his face. 

“Listen, I swear, we are just looking for a pair of extra hands. There has been a group of raiders giving us a little trouble and we just need the extra help. No strings attached. You can get your own house, your own little slice of heaven. Food, running water, privacy.”

I looked up at Joel, and slowly lowered my gun. For some reason, I found Reuben to be somewhat trustworthy, to be someone worth putting my respect into. I guess because I could relate to him, since I also reached out to the less fortunate and offered my help.

AKA: Joel.

Joel now directed his glare to me, his brows furrowed in annoyance. He shook his head no, his grim frown caused me to flinch.

“Joel,” I tried to reason, “There is no reason that we shouldn’t go and check this out. He seems friendly, and he’s offering to help us. Not to mention, I haven’t actually slept for about two weeks straight, and they have running water. I need a break,” I reach out to touch his shoulder softly, “You need a break.”

He glanced between me and the man, and I saw him visually relax, his broad shoulders untightening. 

“Where exactly is this community at?” 

-

Reuben had persuaded Joel and me to follow him through the calming forest to his community of unknown people. Throughout the short walk there Joel had asked Reuben a number of questions, all of which Reuben answered candidly. 

Even though he seemed genuine to me, I still felt a bit uneasy. I could tell that Joel had trust issues too, it was obvious. It was also understandable. I can’t seem to imagine how anybody left in this world wouldn’t be stuck with trust issues. 

I stayed somewhat quiet until we arrived at a large and tall gate. There were guards armed with weapons surrounding the premises. I turned my head towards Joel and gave him a look that said “,This place doesn’t seem so bad.” 

The walls were a slightly rusted metal and held up by large beams of wood implanted in the ground. As the gate was opening, a smaller woman made her way up to us. She had reddish brown hair with faded freckles on both of her flushed cheeks. 

In my 35 years of living on this “great” earth, even before this shitstorm happened, I never considered myself to be very observant with new people. But one thing that I did notice as the woman walked over to us was that she was eyeing Joel, as if he was a piece of fresh meat and she was the carnivore. 

Suddenly I felt a wave of uneasiness pass over me. Not only uneasiness, but a wave of shock as well, I felt predatory over Joel. 

“Well hello there, folks” she said with her strong Northern accent. She clearly wasn't focused on me, but on Joel. I could feel myself getting slightly uncomfortable. 

Reuben walked over to the woman and wrapped his long arm over her shoulder. 

“This is my wife, Alex.” 

You easily tell that Reuben loved his wife, he looked lovingly at her as if she was the only reason he fought to live every single day. I assumed that it felt nice to have a reason to live. 

Joel nodded his head as in saying “Hello” while I had a partial smile embedded in my face. 

“Very quiet people, now are we?” laughed Alex, “Well, there’s no need to be shy here.” 

I cleared my throat as Alex and Reuben guided Joel and me through the gate into their sanctuary. There were gardens filled with colourful and vibrant fruits and vegetables, men and women walking up and down the streets, and animals lying in the window sills of the suburban looking homes. I never would have imagined a suburban neighbourhood this far up into the mountains. 

Alex had wandered off while Reuben led us to a smaller house near the back entrance of the community. 

“Y'all will be comfortable right in here, we have it all set up for you, running water and all,” said Reuben, gesturing over to the house. It appeared to be a very comfortable place, the paint a pale blue. 

“It’s a three bedroom home so y’all will have plenty of room.” said Reuben as a chuckle escaped his lips. 

With Reuben unlocking the front door and stepping back, Joel and I both walked inside of the small, light blue house. 

It smelt dank, like no one had really been in it for a while, but it certainly was nice. The door opened up to living room, the walls painted a simple beige. There was a small comforter in the middle of the room, a coffee table sitting in front of it. 

I heard Joel softly shut the door behind me as he said goodbye to Reuben. I made my way into the tiny kitchen, the walls were painted white, and had stainless steel appliances set all around it, with a large island sitting in the centre.

On the island sat a pile of fruits and vegetables, ranging from tomatoes to watermelon, there were even a few bottles of water. My stomach instantly growled as I stood there taking in the food. 

I moved towards the food, ready to devour everything in sight whenever I feel a hand wrap around my wrist, holding me in place. 

I looked back at Joel in annoyance, wondering just why the hell he'd stop me from eating and gaining my strength. 

Joel looked back at me with a serious grimace on his face. 

“We're not here to make friends. We're going to gain our strength and then leave. I have a bad feeling about this place.”

I nodded in agreement, and placed my hand on his shoulder. 

“The people here seem a bit sketchy. All I want is food, a bath, and a safe place to sleep. Then we'll be back on the road. We're in Missouri so there’s only a few states left until we get to Tommy’s.”

Joel nodded in agreement, and let my wrist go. We both moved towards the food, fully intent on eating everything laying on the table. I couldn't remember the last time we ate something that didn't come out of a can. 

“I want you to promise me something,” Joel said quietly between bites of food. 

I nodded and looked at him curiously, wondering what exactly he was so worried about that he needed my word for. 

He looked at me wearily, his age shown in the tiredness in his face, “Be careful around Reuben. I noticed that he was lookin’ at you.” 

I snickered at his comment, seeing how I protected myself for twenty years before I met him. “Joel, I’ve survived twen-,” I was cut off by Joel putting his hand over mine, gripping it tight. 

“I'm not joking y/n, promise me you’ll be careful or else I'm going to be stuck on you like white on rice. I won't let you go anywhere without me following right behind you. I have a bad feeling about that guy.” 

Joel's tone of voice instantly had me worried, he seemed so sincere, so dead honest that he would do whatever it took to protect me from the unnerving man. 

I nodded in response, the previous laughter completely gone and swept out of the room. It suddenly felt grim in the house, and more serious than usual. 

“I promise.”

-

Later on that night I had went upstairs into the washroom to take a warm bath and fix myself up a bit. I couldn’t wait to feel the patter of water hitting my back and washing away all the dirt and grime that I had acquired over the weeks. I couldn't remember the last time I even washed myself.

I started the bath and was about to get undressed when I heard a slight knock on the door. I opened it up to see Joel standing there looking down at me with folded up clothes in his hands.  
“I found these in the spare room up here, figured you uh- needed something new to wear,” mumbled Joel, his face flushing a light red.

I smiled and looked him deep in his hazel eyes for a few seconds before taking the clothes from him.

“Thank you”

-

The next morning I awoke to Joel gently tapping my arm, “Y/n, hey, we need to go on that supply run with everybody.” 

I dreaded the thought of even being anywhere remotely near these new faces. Still being half asleep, I slowly rolled out of the queen sized bed i had slept in the night before. I threw on the clothes that Joel had given me and walked downstairs. He was standing patiently for me by the front door. 

I grabbed my backpack that was sitting on the white rocking chair just near the front door while about to walk outside. The creaking door swung open making the fresh morning breeze brush against my face. I could hear the faint buzzing noises of june bugs as Joel closed the door behind us. 

I looked at him while adjusting the straps of my backpack, “Let’s hope that nothing goes against our plans today.” 

“Yeah,” sighed Joel. 

As we were walking towards the centre of the neighbourhood where Reuben had told us to meet up the day before, I felt as if I should try to talk with Joel, not about Reuben, or about the sketchy people here in this community, or about his dead daughter. But about the future, what was going to happen after we got to his brother’s sanctuary, where I was going to go..that is if I were to even survive this excursion. 

“So.. after we get to Tommy’s and after you find Ellie, I’m assuming you’ll want to go our separate ways? I mean that’s what this is, right? I’m just helping you make your way to Wyoming and find your missing.. puzzle pieces?” 

Joel stopped walking as he turned his large frame to face me.

“No, I... don’t know. If we even make it there alive.. I’d want you to be there with me afterwards. Even if I do have a rebellious teenager by my side and an asshat of a brother nit-picking every decision I make, I’d still want you there.”

I was aphonic at the words that came out of Joel’s mouth. After years and years of battling with silence, assault, the infected, and near death, I finally felt wanted by somebody. As if I actually belonged somewhere for once. As if I meant something. I smiled while looking down at the ground and slightly nodded my head. 

We continued walking along the neighbourhood until we got to where Alex and Reuben had wanted us to meet. Except, there was nobody in mere sight. 

“Good morning you two!” shouted a familiar voice.

Startled, I turned around to see Alex and a young man I had never seen before standing on Alex’s porch with a few bags at their feet, packed and ready to go. Alex was still eyeing Joel the same way she had been the day before. She really gave me the creeps. 

“Hey,” I said while raising my hand, zero excitement in my voice what so ever. 

They both walked down the white steps of the porch and led us over to the main gate where we had entered the previous day.

“Where exactly are we headed to?” asked Joel. 

“There’s an old warehouse down the mountain and a shopping centre two miles north from there. I was thinking we could split up and search both places,” exclaimed Alex

The large gate opened as all four of us walked out. 

“You mentioned yesterday that everybody would be comin’ along for this search. So.. where are they? And where’s Reuben?” asked Joel with slight annoyance in his voice.

“Well, Reuben had something he had to work on here today so he won’t be coming along with us. But little Elijah here was just dying to get out of this neighbourhood.” Alex gentured over to a shorter, younger looking man with glasses that was walking with us. “I figured he could come along for the trip.” 

I had mixed feelings about how this entire day was going to go. 

 

-

 

Twenty minutes had passed since we had left Alex’s home. There was no sight of anybody from the community but we had found an opening out of the woods leading to a large parking lot with not many cars in it, working ones anyways.

“So how long have y'all been traveling together?” Asked Elijah, a look of curiosity on his face. 

I looked up at him and reply, “Only a few weeks.”

He nodded in response, and turned back to Alex. Elijah seemed nice enough. 

Adjusting the straps of my backpack, I walked closer to Joel and stood next to him as Elijah and Alex looked across the parking lot, murmuring things to each other.

“I guess I’ll head off with Joel to the shopping centre up north if you two want to check out the warehouse over there.” I said while pointing to a brick building covered in moss and vines. 

Alex’s face had a slight look of loath as she moved her eyes over in my direction. I could feel my blood boiling inside of me, just knowing that she wanted to be left alone with Joel. I couldn't understand why I was getting so pissed off by her eyeing him, but I couldn't stop myself from wanting to dock her in the face. 

Elijah still had his back turned to me and Joel but he tilted his head so I could get a side view of his face, “Alright then you two. Meet us back here in about an hour, or once you’ve found something useful.” 

Joel and I quickly made our way up north to find this shopping centre. Alex had given Joel a small map of the area just so we wouldn’t get lost. 

After walking for awhile we came upon the shopping centre. I could already see dead bodies spread out across the cement and I could hear the faint moans of clickers echoing from the inside. A cold chill shivered down my spine as we walked closer to the building. Even though I had been killing these things for nearly two decades, they still made me nervous. 

“You ready?” asked Joel

“Somewhat.” 

Joel and I snuck inside of the building quietly, trying not to draw attention to ourselves considering that we didn’t know how many of these fuckers were in there. I went around the corner and hid under a small table while Joel grabbed an empty glass bottle. He ducked underneath a counter and threw the bottle into a different room as a distraction so we could grab a few boxes that one of the clickers was next to. Joel opened the box as quietly as he could to find about a dozen cans of food and a few jars of something else. 

 

We stealthily made our way throughout the food court and through a few clothing stores of the shopping centre in about a solid hour. Once we got far away enough from the clickers, Joel neatly stacked all of the boxes and other convenient items we had found inside of a utility cart that was lying around. 

We made our way back to the edge of the woods with all of the supplies at the exact time Elijah and Alex had wanted us. 

“Do you think we should even be helping these creepy pricks?” I asked Joel

He pushed the cart a little more in my direction while laughing softly, “They gave you and me something that we both desperately needed. Plus that Elijah boy doesn’t seem too bad. I think the least we can do is give them some shit food that expired three years ago and get the hell out of their hair.” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

-

“Hello there,” Purred Alex, walking up from behind us. We saw that she had little to no supplies while we had an entire cart full. That didn't fail to annoy me. She was also alone. 

Joel grunted in response, clearly not in the mood to talk after he noticed the lack of supplies. 

“Well, If you haven't noticed, I have barely any supplies; I need your help. See, there's a group of clickers blocking our way to the medical supplies and Elijah and I have no way to get to them. We need a distraction.”

Joel and I glanced at each other, both knowing how that situation goes. We could easily make a distraction and get out of the situation, but could Alex and Elijah hold their ground during the heat of it? Joel and I were a good team, we had been together so long that we began to know how the other person works. I couldn't say the same for Alex and Elijah. 

“What do you need us to do?” questioned Joel, his country accent thick. 

Alex smirks, and turns back towards the warehouse.

“Follow me back and I'll show you.”

-

We followed Alex and Elijah towards the old warehouse, the closer we got, the louder the clickers sounded. All of the tension from before was heightened; it sounded like there was an entire army of them. 

We got to the revolving doors of the warehouse and snuck inside. The air felt thick and humid. It was getting more difficult to breath the deeper we went. All four of us turned the corner to see dozens of both clickers and stalkers roaming around blocking the medical supplies that Elijah and Alex needed. 

“There.” Elijah pointed to a small room across from us, “You two go in there and make as much noise as you can. Come back out in five minutes. And please, try not to get yourselves killed.”

Joel and I both nodded our heads, wondering how this was going to go down as we snuck across. The small room that Elijah wanted us to go in was even more humid than where we were previously, making it much harder to breathe. 

I grabbed a rock that was about the same size as my fist and threw it at the fogged up window, shattering the glass. In the few seconds that I could, I managed to get a quick breath of fresh air before I heard the shuffling footsteps and growls of clickers walking in my direction. 

Joel and I hid behind a stack of boxes, praying that the infected wouldn’t find us. We stayed there for a couple of minutes side by side. It was so quiet, the only noises I could hear was Joel’s low breathing and the faint whines of the clickers that were only ten feet apart from us. 

The silence soon died out once we heard a loud crash from the room that Alex and Elijah were in. I looked at Joel with my widened eyes as we both scurried to see what had happened. We ran into the room to see a panicked Alex standing in front of a dropped medical kit and an anxious looking Elijah cowering in the walls corner. 

Alex grabbed out her gun and she pointed it at the clickers that were staggering towards her shaking body. 

“No, Alex don’t!” shouted Joel 

It was too late, Alex had already fired off her gun, shooting one of the infected. The thundering noise seemed trapped in the muggy room, causing my ears to ring and my entire body to feel dizzy. I snapped out of it as I felt Joel grab my hand to lead me out of the warehouse. Alex was still firing off her gun. 

We reached the revolving door and pushed ourselves out. A couple seconds later Elijah came scurrying out too with Alex not too far behind him. 

Paying no attention to my surroundings, I felt a cold hand brush against my arm that was not Joel’s nor Elijah’s. I flipped my body around to see a stalker about to sink it’s rotten teeth into my flesh. I fell to the ground while wrestling the stalker, the decomposing flesh filling my nostrils with a stench like none other. I went to go and grab my gun out of the holster but it didn’t seem to be there. 

I tried to have my full focus on the vigorous force that was on top of me but I couldn’t help looking over to see Alex struggling to push through the revolving door with multiple infected beings walking towards her.

It felt as if everything was happening in slow motion. Joel was turning his head back and forth in both of the directions that Alex and I were in. Looking back at Alex once more, Joel ran over to me and kicked over the stalker that was nearly seconds away from killing me. He grabbed the gun that was in his dark blue jeans and shot a bullet in the side of it’s head. 

As I caught my breath I heard a blood curdling scream come from the warehouse. I looked over to see a crying Elijah desperately trying to push open the jammed door that Alex was behind. 

Suddenly all three of us witnessed Alex being pushed up against the lightly fogged glass. The clicker’s hands explored every inch of her still body. I could hear her whimper as her light green eyes widened. A small tear slipped down her cheek. She looked up and gave us one last stare before multiple sets of teeth sunk into her pale flesh. Her eyes winced as piercing screams escaped from her lips. 

My eyes couldn’t look away, no matter how gruesome the scene was. Alex’s weak body slid down, leaving a trail of dark red blood against the glass. Her ear-splitting screams finally came to an end as the clickers dragged her half-dead body away from the door. 

I looked over at Elijah, his eyes seemed permanently locked open, staring at Alex’s dark red blood that was dripping out of the revolving door next to him. He still had tears rolling down both of his cheeks as his pale, veiny hands shook uncontrollably. I could tell that they must have been close judging by Elijah’s reaction. Or maybe he was just an emotional wreck who couldn’t cope with death. Either way, I did feel slightly horrible. 

Joel reached his hand out to me, offering for me to take it. I wrapped my hand around his own quickly, and he pulled me up. We both turned to Elijah, and saw him still sitting in the revolving door, his eyes red and bloodshot from watching the sight before him.

The infected were distracted while eating away at Alex’s corpse, so we knew that we could use this moment to hurry up, grab Elijah, and leave. I quickly pulled away from Joel’s hand, ran towards Elijah, and started pulling him out of the door. 

He wouldn’t budge, I was pretty sure that he went into shock after witnessing the brutal death of his ally. He continued to watch the infected tear into Alex’s body.

“Elijah! We have to leave!” I whispered aggressively, and continued to pull on his arm, trying to get him to follow me back to the community. 

“T-They killed her, she’s dead…” Elijah hoarsely whispered. He finally broke away from watching Alex’s dead body lie there, and he locked his gaze on me, and then to Joel. 

“You fucking killed her!” He yelled, and he suddenly jumped up and ran up to Joel, rage across his face. Joel instantly backed up to move out of the way of Elijah, since we both didn’t know what exactly he was going to do.

Joel’s face hardens as he looks to him, anger littered all over it. 

“I didn’t kill anyone. She killed herself. She’s the one who fired that fuckin’ gun,” replied Joel coldly, and no remorse; or even regret existed in his voice 

Elijah’s face filled with disbelief as he listened to Joel words, clearly not believing what he just said. Elijah was undoubtedly furious, his face flushing a deep red as he got closer to Joel’s face. 

“You could've saved her! You could've…it's your fault,” muttered Elijah, the fight escaping from his body. He wiped at his ringed and bloodshot eyes underneath his glasses as he walked away from Joel. 

Still showing no remorse, Joel headed across the parking lot and back towards the cart of supplies we had gotten a couple hours beforehand. He grasped his hands around the handle of the cart and pushed it through the woods. Elijah stumbled behind the both of us while carrying a small box he had managed to grab inside of the warehouse. 

The short journey back to the community was uncomfortably silent, the only sounds detectable were the snaps of twigs cracking underneath our feet and the squeaking wheels of the metal cart Joel was hauling. My heart thumped louder as we walked closer and closer to the front gate. 

 

The gate doors opened as Elijah walked through, looking straight ahead, not making eye contact with anyone or anything.

 

As I watched Elijah walk away from us I heard thundering footsteps approach Joel and I. I glanced over to see Reuben with an apprehensive look spread across his face. 

 

“Where’s Alex?” he questioned. 

Joel stayed silent as I quickly tried to think of something to say,

“She.. um, Reuben.. Alex couldn’t make it.” 

“W-well that’s not right. No, Alex a-always makes it back safe and sound, she couldn’t have..” 

I could see tears welling up in Reuben’s soft, brown eyes as he stumbled over his words. 

“And I’m assuming y’all did everything you could.. right?” 

I was about to speak when I heard another voice from behind us interrupt. 

“Actually no they didn’t,” replied Elijah 

Reuben paned his attention over to Elijah and then back over to Joel and I.

“They watched her get devoured by those.. things. They didn’t even try to help!” 

Reuben took in the words that Elijah had just spoke. He didn’t manage to make eye contact with anything else besides the small cracks embedded in the cement below him. Elijah was still behind Reuben, protesting and accusing Joel and I of purposely murdering Alex. I looked down towards Reuben’s torso and saw his hand traveling to an object hidden underneath his grey shirt. 

Joel continuously tried to capture Reuben’s attention but he couldn’t seem to budge out of the traumatic daze. His hand still motioned over to the object underneath his shirt. 

Just then, Reuben swiftly turned his entire body around to face the bickering Elijah. I was still looking down towards Reuben’s shirt, as he turned, I could see now that the object Reuben’s hand was gliding over was in fact a gun. Before i could look back up at the scene i heard a blaring gunshot. 

I looked up in front of me to witness Elijah’s now silent body lying lifeless on the hard cement, occasionally twitching. Blood went streaming down the street and trickled down into the sewer drain. 

With his back turned to Joel, Joel ran up to Reuben and tackled him to the ground next to Elijah’s deceased corpse. Reuben’s gun went soaring across the street as i raced over to grab it. 

People in the community were now looking out of their windows and coming outside due to the gunshots boisterous noise. 

Joel lifted Reuben up and threw his body into the side of a nearby car 

“You just killed a fucking kid!” yelled Joel

Reuben looked up at Joel with blood dripping out of his flared nostrils. 

“And you just killed my fucking wife,” he replied in a quieter, more inhumane sounding tone.

Reuben was about to brawl out towards Joel when suddenly we all heard the sound of a vehicle’s brakes screech right outside. Once the sound had come to a stop, there were three loud bangs on the gate’s doors. 

The guard that was in control of the doors looked over at a distressed Reuben for approval of opening the gate. After a few seconds Reuben nodded his head, approving for the doors to be opened. 

The doors shrieked open as a much taller, more masculine man with a dark shirt walked through. He had a wide smile across his bearded face, as if he were amused with the dead kid lying in the middle of the street.

“Oh my!” he whistled while taking in the scene in front of him, “What do we have here?” 

I looked over at Joel while holding Reuben’s cold pistol in my hands. He looked back at me, the apprehensive look that he gave me while his eyes glistened in the burning sun made my stomach feel as if it was being twisted in an immense knot. 

 

It was in that moment when I looked at Joel that I knew something heinous was about happen. And that if either one of us was going to make it out alive and well, it would take a whole lotta god damned strength to get us out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Joel get separated!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH SO I MET TROY BAKER (THE VOICE ACTOR FOR JOEL) OVER THE WEEKEND AND HE WAS SO SWEET AND HE TALKED TO ME IN JOEL'S VOICE AND GOD I MISS HIM SO MUCH

Chapter Three:

“What the fuck do you want Michael?” growled Reuben, the pure rage that was radiating off of him caused me to shake. He turned his gaze away from Michael and back to Joel, his eyes piercing into him.

“Well, I came to see why I haven’t received any of my supplies this week. You promised some last week and those plans fell through, so I sure hope you aren’t going to fuck me over today,” replied the supposed “Michael.”

Reuben stood, causing Joel to take guard, not knowing what exactly Reuben was going to do. 

“I’m tired of being your little bitch, I’m done being pushed around by you. The only reason I put up with you was because of Alex, and now…” Reuben stopped, and his eyes watered once again as he broke the eye contact with Michael, his gaze falling to the ground.

Michael’s smile fell as he realized what exactly Reuben was saying, that Alex was dead.

“Damn. Well that sucks. Alex was pretty fucking hot!” laughed Michael, and Michael’s laughter caused all of his men to laugh too.

Reuben’s head snapped up at Michael’s words, his sad demeanor slowly changed and his face contorted suddenly into pure rage; his nostrils flaring, his eyes flashing and closing into slits, his mouth quivering.

His hands closed into fists and he suddenly charged at Michael, docking him in the face, which caused Michael’s men to raise their guns. Reuben was relentless as he beat the shit out of Michael, his face becoming bloodied. I cringed at the harsh crushing sound of breaking bones.

Joel turned towards me, and pulled out his gun. We both saw this situation as an opportunity to get the fuck out of there. We had nothing left, and Reuben would have had us on his death list after what happened with Alex. 

I looked over at the group of Michael’s men as I raised my gun and pointed it to a man that was distracted with the fight between Reuben and Michael. I didn’t hesitate in firing. 

I watched the life leave the man’s eyes as he fell to the ground, his body going limp from the impact of my shot. All eyes turned on me, including Reuben’s, as I stood there holding the gun.

“FIRE!” yelled another one of Michael’s men. Bullets started to fly in every direction as Joel and I ran, dodging each bullet that flew our way. 

People in the community stepped outside of their suburban homes, getting massacred by Michael’s angry men in the process. Loud booms caused by grenades flustered throughout the air as smoke built up, spreading across every inch of the once peaceful community. Household pets fled out of their homes and across the smoked up streets. The blaring noise of gunfire filled the air.

Joel and I took refuge behind a house as the small neighbourhood went up into bursting flames. 

“Fuck, Joel. We need to get out of here.”

“I know” sighed Joel, “Just follow me, okay? We make our way back to the house we were in. There was a back gate around there.”

“Joel, are you fucking insane? That’s all the way across the damn neighbourhood, they’ll see us.” I motioned my trembling hand towards the other side of the community. 

Joel turned his head around to face me with a look of pure irritation, “Oh, you’re complaining to me about taking risks, huh? You kinda risked everything by shooting that fucking guy back there!” 

“Fuck you! I had to do something to get us out of there,” my voice raised louder as I heard thundering footsteps run in our direction. 

Hurt by his sudden, blunt attitude towards me I got up from crouching behind the house and walked over to the wooden fence. 

“You know what, you can find your own fucking way out of here.” I finished off the argument by hoping the wooden fence only a few feet away from Joel. 

I turned my head back once more to see Joel staring at me with a slight look of bleakness radiating off of his face. After I hopped the fence I felt a strong wave of regret flow through my body. A few seconds later, I gripped my fingers around Reuben’s gun tightly as I ran to the back gate where Joel and I were originally going to escape. As I was running across the plush, overgrown grass I saw something dash in the corner of my eye. I looked over to see a medium sized herd of infected wandering towards the community, most likely due to the piercing gun shots and intense explosions from the bombs.

“Shit,” I whispered under my breath. 

I ran even faster, as fast as my body could, still hearing the blazing gunshots coming from inside of the community until I reached the back gate. I found the door that led into the community as I heard a spine-chilling groan coming from below me. I felt a cold touch on my leg. 

I looked down and saw the upper half of a clicker’s body crawling to me. Behind all of the spores and disgusting extra skin flourishing across its face, I saw its decaying teeth trying to gnaw their way into my flesh. I looked to my gun and thought of shooting the creature, but hesitated because I knew that it would bring more attention to myself. From both the infected and the well-being. 

I strongly inhaled while lifting my foot up and smashing it back down on top of the clicker’s deformed head. I heard oozing, squishing noises and the faint squeals the clicker made each time that I beat it’s head into the ground. I felt warm blood splatter across my sweaty face until it was actually dead. I wiped off the blood and pieces of brain that were spread across the soles of my boot along the grass. 

Turning back around, I caught my breath and wiggled the handle of the wooden gate door. I tried and tried to budge it open until a mighty force coming from the other side swug it open, almost knocking my entire body backwards. 

It was Joel, he stood there with a deep gash across his chest, as if he got cut badly, blood still leaking out of it.

“We need to go..” said Joel

Joel leaned on the left side of my body for support as we stumbled through the overgrown forest. We eventually came to a halt near a mossy log. Joel’s weak body sat up against the log as I knelt down and took a look at his wound. Thick blood was still pouring out whenever Joel removed his dirt covered hand. 

“I’m sorry” 

“For what?” he asked 

“For leaving you back there, I was panicking and you were-” 

He cut me off with a hoarse cough as he let go of his wound, completely ignoring me. His arm flopped to his side as he tilted his head towards me. 

“Go..” 

His voice sounded weaker and more frail. I was confused as to why he told me to “go” but then I heard the sounds of snapping twigs coming from behind my back and loud, intimidating groans. I instantly knew that the herd of infected had caught up to the both of us and that they’d definitely kill us if we stayed. 

I shook my head “no” to Joel as the herd got even closer. 

“God damn it, go y/n!” he yelled while using his remaining strength to lightly push me back,

“I am not going to have you die with me.” 

I looked to the ground and lifted myself up, trying not to fall apart or break down in tears. I glanced to Joel, his eyes were completely shut and his entire body looked limp. He seemed peaceful, painless, and calm. I slowly backed away from his body and turned around without even looking back. 

The tears that had formed up in my eyes were now streaming down my bloodied face as I sprinted through the woods alone, by myself, with nobody but grievance by my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit short but the next two are JAM PACKED!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! Sexual assault, but it's not graphic or anything. I hope you enjoy

Chapter Four, Two weeks later:

Two weeks had passed after I got separated from Joel. It was hard just getting through each day knowing that I had left Joel to die. I could have done more, I could have dragged his ass back to safety like I did when I first met him. Everything we had done was for nothing, because I lost him.

I didn’t really even have a purpose to be living after I lost Joel, seeing that the only reason I was living was for him.

After I left him in the woods, I quickly found a rugged house to take refuge in that wasn’t too far away from where the fight broke out. I was close enough to hear the screams and gunshots ring out, but I was far away enough to not be spotted. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to actually run far away. I guess I expected Joel to show up, to provide me company.

I cried all that night.

I couldn’t bring myself to come to terms that I had lost Joel. I didn’t even know that fucker well and I cried like I lost a best friend. I knew that it really affected me so badly because Joel was my last hope. He was who kept me motivated to live. Now, we would never make it to Tommy’s dam. We would never find Ellie. 

I had lost all my hope. 

-  
I knew it was time for me to leave but I couldn’t bring myself to. Not without Joel.

I had remained in the same place for two weeks, feeding off of the few cans that were left in the shitty house. I went and checked the spot where I had left Joel almost everyday, and nothing remained of his except for a dead clicker with a broken shiv shoved into its neck. It gave me slight hope that Joel made it out alive but it was impossible. My luck was never that good, plus there were too many infected for Joel to just slip away. 

Regardless, the noise from the community quickly died down after the fight broke out. The place was practically burnt down, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty since I was the one who shot the bullet that initiated the fight. 

I constantly wondered if Reuben was still alive, and I hate to admit but I really hoped that he wasn’t. He looked as if he would murder me and Joel if he ever had the opportunity. Well, I guess it would have been just me.

I made my way out of the house, because I was running drastically low on food. I practically had none, unless you count 1/4th of a can a good full meal. I slipped out quietly, seeing how there were still many infected littered throughout the streets. I had to be extremely careful not to alarm anything that I was around. 

I zigzagged my way through the area around me and hit every house that I could to take any supplies that I could lay my hands on. I didn’t even know why I continued to get supplies, why I even continued to live. 

Regardless, I gathered a decent amount of supplies to get me through the next few days. I sat down in one of the houses that I was raiding and began to think about the next step I was going to take.

Should I continue to make my way to Tommy’s to find Ellie? Should I go through the woods where I left Joel and search them top and down until I find Joel’s decaying body? Should I just blow out my fucking brains like Reuben did to Elijah?

I sat there until it was almost nightfall, and I decided to take the latter. To return back to the house and to wait out whatever it was that I was going through. I had made it so far; was I really going to kill myself over one person?

I tracked my way back to the house, my legs cried out since I had been using them all day. I couldn’t wait to retreat back so I could eat away my sorrows and then sleep until my body would force me to go out and actually do something. 

I silently slip into my little humble abode, being careful not to make any loud sounds to attract the infected.

I wiped at my dirty face, longing for the cool rush of water that I received at Reuben’s community, as I tugged off my backpack and let it hit the floor. I creeped away from the front entrance and moved my way into one of the back rooms of the house where I had been sleeping for the past few weeks.

As I was making my way to the room, I heard a gentle sound of a floorboard creaking come from behind me. I stopped cold in my tracks and turned around to see what caused the noise, but nothing was there. I shook my head in annoyance, and told myself to stop acting like anyone would actually be there.  
As I turned back towards the room, I heard another creek from behind me. I looked back once again to see what the hell kept making a noise, but before I could actually see anything, I felt cold hands grasp my neck tightly, cutting off any form of breathing that I could muster.

I choked out a cry and squirmed quickly in the cold hands, trying to find a way to escape, but it was impossible; the person had me in too tight of a grip. 

“You’re not going anywhere, you fucking bitch. You watched my wife die,” growled the perpetrator. 

Reuben.

My heart stopped at the words, and I instantly was afraid for my life. Reuben shot a kid in the head just for talking, broke a guys fucking face just because he mocked Alex. What the fuck was he going to do to me, the woman who watched his wife die?

“R-Reuben, p-please,” I gasped. I felt my face turning red from the lack of oxygen coming to my lungs, and I could feel myself becoming lightheaded, my vision started to have black spots in it. Reuben let my throat go, but not before throwing my body to the ground.

I turned back and looked up at Reubens deranged face. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his face covered in stubble, his hair long and falling into his face, his clothes dirty and torn. He looked like a fucking mess, and the fact that he looked nothing like the composed man I first met scared the hell out of me.

“You and Joel took everything away from me. So now I’m going to take away everything from y’all,” growled Reuben, an evil glint in his eyes.

“Please,” I coughed hoarsely, “I am so sorry about Alex, there was nothing we could do! She fired the gun, she-”

I was suddenly cut off by the crack of skin contacting skin, the sound echoed off the walls. Vibrations of pain started in my face, causing me to scream out in pain. His palm was bright red, most likely the same color red that matched the one on my face.

I immediately reached for my face, wanting to apply as much pressure as I could to prevent swelling, but Reuben grabbed my wrists in one hand, and used his other hand to slap my face repeatedly, the convulsions of the pain caused me to cry and yell at the top of my lungs for help. I knew no one would come.

“Shut the fuck up!” He slammed his palm over my mouth,”I don’t need your fucking excuses. She’s dead and you’re alive, so I’m going to ruin your life.” 

Reuben licked his tongue over his lip as he shockingly rubbed his hips against mine, the grind of denim on denim caused me to flinch in pain. I gasped in shock, but the sound was halted since he had his hand over my mouth.

He groaned out loud as he continued to grind his pelvis over mine, and I could feel his growing erection press into my hip. 

The only thought that crossed my mind was that I was going to be raped. The one thing that I had avoided those entire twenty years was now going to happen. His filthy hand still covered my face as he grinded against me. His other hand motioned down towards my lower half as he slowly unzipped and unbuttoned my dirty, blue jeans. He didn’t blink, not even once. 

I felt hot tears getting trapped in between Reuben’s hand and my face. At this point I didn’t even try to break away from him. He was obviously going to get what he wanted, probably what he wanted from the start. I lied there as the tears continued to fall. He gripped his hand around my throat as he desperately unzipped his pants. I tightly shut my eyes as I prepared myself for what was about to happen. 

Reuben was seconds away from getting what he wanted, my eyes still being shut tight. I could feel dizziness take control of my body as I reflected back on everything that happened in my shitty thirty-five years of living. More tears streamed out of my eyes, causing me to open them. 

As soon as they flustered open, I saw an anonymous man towering behind Reuben. 

 

Suddenly, the man grabbed Reuben’s neck and lifted him up. Reuben's eyes widened as he suddenly stopped trying to unzip himself. He was slammed onto the ground in front of me as the man walked closer to him. I backed away and cowered in the corner as I watched the two men collide. 

Reuben stayed silent, perhaps it was because the man didn’t give him enough time to speak at all. As he reached Reuben’s trembling body, he knelt down and clashed his fist into Reuben's face repeatedly. 

Over, and over, and over. 

I heard the sound of blood splatter on the wooden floors while the man continued to beat Reuben senseless. 

After a short amount of time I started to realize that the anonymous man was in fact Joel. I recognized the shape of his figure and the sound of his slight grunts. Joel wrapped his large hands around Reuben’s neck as he shook his entire body while hammering his head into the wooden floorboards. I could tell by now that Reuben most likely had massive amounts of brain damage due to Joel’s harsh approach. 

“I fucking knew that you were a sick motherfucker the moment I met you!” growled Joel.

Reuben couldn’t say anything in return because of the forceful hands around his neck. Joel let go of Reuben and stood up. I thought he was finished with him until he rapidly turned back around and stomped his foot on the side of Reuben’s head until the edge of his skull was visible. 

 

Joel caught his breath while panning his body around to face me. I still cowered in the corner while holding my cheek, I could feel the bruises all across my frail body and the excruciating pain radiating off of my arm as Joel rushed over to me. I whimpered as more tears escaped my eyes. He knelt down and wrapped his muscular arms around me as I continued to sob into his chest. He gently shushed me while cradling me back and forth, as if I was a baby. I slowly closed my eyes as I felt him pick me up and carry me away from the disaster that would forever haunt that room. 

 

-

 

The next morning I woke up in a completely different house, in a completely different neighbourhood. One that I hoped wasn’t blown to shit with rotting corpses roaming up and down the streets. 

Joel was sitting on the edge of the bed I was lied down on with his face in the palms of his hands. I moved my fingers over to his arm and slightly touched it. He jolted his head up and looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes. The morning sunlight peeked in through the boarded up window, shining right onto him. 

The way he looked at me made me feel safe, like nothing or nobody was ever going to hurt me again. I placed my hand on the side of his face, his thick beard brushing my palm, as he leaned forward into my embrace. 

I let go of him and did a once over his body, looking for the bad gash he previously had, 

"Your cut, how-" 

"I stitched it up myself. I'm fine, I promise." Joel replied, a small smile on his face. I couldn't help but shake my head in disagreement. 

“I-I’m so sorry” 

He lightly shook his head and grabbed ahold of my hand,

“You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for. You thought I was as good as dead, so you ran. I practically begged you to. All you did was listen to me and respected my wishes. Any smart person would do that.” 

I hesitated in agreeing with him. I could’ve done more. I could have.. 

“No, Joel, I should have dragged you away like I did when I first fucking saw you. But I didn’t, I ran and I left you to die. I-”

I was immediately cut off with a pair of soft, warm lips up against mine. I slowly closed both of my eyes as I took in Joel’s passionate kiss. His hand that was wrapped around my own was now being brushed along my cheek as he softly tucked my hair behind my ear. 

His lips gently detached themselves from mine as I was left there with an overwhelming sensation of butterflies flying all throughout my body. 

I opened my eyes to see Joel smiling gently at me, the smile was contagious. It was then that I came to terms that I had feelings for this man, and that he perhaps had feelings for me. 

“What was that?” I questioned, my voice quivering and my heart racing in my chest. I couldn’t believe that he really just made a move on me, the oh so quiet Joel.

He looked away shyly, as if he were scared to admit to me why he just kissed me. It was weird seeing such a strong man look insecure. 

“I’m just really glad nothin’ happened to you..If I wouldn’t have been there, God knows what Reuben would have done. I don’t regret killing him. I don’t regret smashing his skull underneath my boot, what I do regret was that I wasn’t there to protect you from it.”

I was taken aback from Joel’s words, the sincerity behind them had my heart racing and my face turning red. He turned to me, a look of patience on his face, as if he were waiting for me to respond. 

“Thank you. For everything.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and the reader get closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOP SLIGHT SMUT BUT NOT TOO MUCH SO DON'T WORRY IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THAT (but you should be, into that)

Chapter Five, Two weeks later:

“Keep moving!” expressed Joel quietly. We had been traveling non stop for the past two weeks, and we had just passed through Colorado. We were very close to finally making it to Wyoming. The streets were thick with infected so we had to be careful not to make too much noise, so of course that’s exactly what we did. 

Joel and I hadn't exactly talked about what happened back with Reuben ever since we left the place we were held up in. I tried to get him to be open and talk to me about what feelings he had for me, seeing how he was the one who kissed me, but he either didn't respond or got really frustrated with me. HIs mixed signals were extremely disconcerting, but I truly didn’t want to piss him off, so I eventually just left it be. Not that I really wanted to.

We were stealthily making our way throughout the infected streets in the large city when we suddenly came to a stop in front of an empty alleyway. 

“Hey, I’m gonna make my way in there to look for something useful. You stay out here and watch over,” said Joel as he pointed over towards an old drugstore.

I nodded my head and grabbed out my gun as I kept my eyes peeled in every direction. I looked around, quietly hearing Joel shuffle through boxes and pick up items on shelves. Other than that, it was quiet, too quiet. The sky was it’s ordinary bright blue colour with dashes of orange and pink spread across. The sun’s bright rays gleamed down into the alleyway where Joel and I were. Nature’s sunsets had never failed to amaze me, even in the most darkest of times. 

I could feel myself getting distracted by the sky’s beauty as my eyes grew extremely heavy and worn down. I hadn’t gotten any actual, decent sleep since Joel and I were at Reuben and Alex’s sanctuary weeks ago. I soon shook myself off and focused on my surroundings. 

“Not a damn thing,” scoffed a distressed Joel. 

“What were you even hoping to find in there?” I laughed, “You know most of these stores have been raided out on more than one occasion.” 

Joel tilted his eyes over to me as a grin swept over his face. 

The past two weeks after the incident with Reuben were somewhat quiet to me. Not much conversation had been made between Joel and I since the kiss. Then again, I hadn’t said much either. I was nervous honestly, to bring it up. 

The last true “first” kiss I had was in my second year of college, which ended up being quite possibly the worst year of my life, you know, besides the time when cannibalistic creatures took over the entire fucking planet.

His name was Antonio, a weird, shy, and awkward kid that all of the rich boys used for the homework answers. I had decided to be a social butterfly one night and go out to one of those reckless high school parties where all everybody does is smoke weed, drink, and have meaningless sex in the upstairs bedrooms, or sometimes even on the living room couch in front of everybody. It really depended on how drunk they were. But it was quite a sight when it did happen, and not necessarily a good one. 

The kiss between Antonio and I wasn’t actually that horrible. It was passionate, not forced or insignificant. He was a natural, I’ll give him props for that. Or maybe he just watched a lot of porn. I guess I’ll never know now that he’s most likely dead. 

Our relationship eventually became more than a meaningless kiss, and it blossomed into my first real relationship. It became deeper, we eventually had sex, met each other’s families. All of that seemed much more important at the time, compared to now, seeing how the world played out. Seeing how it all fell apart. 

Anyways, Joel and I slyly made our way out of the alley and back onto the main street where the infected were roaming. The moans of clickers and runners filled my ears as we ducked behind busses and cars. 

“Shit, we’re gonna need to hide out somewhere until these assholes continue their 'journey' elsewhere," I whispered 

Joel’s eyes fixated on a vine-covered apartment building just across the street from where we were. 

“There.”

“And how do you suppose we’ll get ourselves up there? The front doors are boarded up, not to mention the pack of infected blocking them," I pointed out. 

“Just.. do as I say," he replied 

“Roger that, Simon Says.” 

He looked back and jokingly rolled his eyes at me before grabbing my hand and sneaking us to the other side of the street. 

We managed to scoot ourselves past the infected blocking the door before heading towards the back of the building, once again, in another musty alleyway. 

This time, the alleyway wasn’t so empty. Without paying any attention Joel and I had stumbled into a couple dozen runners, just waiting to sink their rotten teeth into each of us once their demonic, glowing eyes made instant contact with ours. They groaned and started hastily moving towards us.

“Fuck!” 

As we turned around to race out of the alley we saw more infected stumble towards us from the other direction. I quickly looked everywhere for an escape route when a rickety ladder with chipped, yellow paint attached to the building had caught my eye. 

Joel fought off as many infected as he could while I quickly grabbed onto the ladder and hoisted myself up. 

“Joel, come on!” 

He threw one last punch before he grabbed onto the cold metal bars and grunted while lifting himself up behind me. He violently kicked off the remaining runners that were grabbing onto his legs, causing the ladder to creak and shift over. 

“Go!” he yelled

I climbed as fast as I could but I knew that we weren’t going to be supported for much longer. I looked up and saw an open window leading into one of the rooms. We both climbed our way up to the opening, as close as we possibly could before the ladder could send us to our certain death.

I grunted and promptly jumped onto the ledge of the window, lifting myself into the small room. I flung half of my body back out of the window to see a struggling Joel.

“C’mon! Jump!” I yelled

“I don’t know if I can!”

“Don’t you dare go down with that fucking ladder, Joel! Just fucking jump!” 

He took one last look down at the herd of infected and jumped off, just barely making it onto the ledge. The yellow ladder screeched and broke off of the building, taking out a few infected as it slammed onto the hard cement below us. 

My heart skipped a beat as I swiftly tried to help Joel get up into the room. His trembling hand was holding on for dear life while his hazel eyes sparkled in the sun’s glow. 

“Grab onto me!” I yelled

He swung his other hand over and grabbed mine, I used all of my strength to pull him up to safety. I ended up falling backwards with Joel landing on top of me. His deep eyes gazed into mine as I could hear our hearts both beating rapidly. His hot breath flowed against my skin, he immediately picked himself up and cleared his hoarse throat before anything could happen.

“Thank you..” he said

I didn’t say anything back in return as I was still trying to cope with what had just happened. 

I got up slowly and looked around the small apartment, considering that we were most likely going to be held up there for a while. There were old pictures hung up on the dirty walls of a younger couple, probably not much younger than me. The pictures were old obviously, and covered with a fine layer of dirt and dust. I carefully wiped off the residue to get a better look. They looked happy together, like they didn’t have a care in the world. I softly smiled as I removed my finger from the picture and sat down on a wooden chair near the window, watching the sun go down.

 

-

 

A couple hours later we were still stranded in the now candlelit room. I was sat down with my back up against the brown couch as I fiddled with the loose string dangling off of my jacket, I looked over to Joel and saw him looking more tired than he was previously. 

“Hey...Joel,” I declared, attempting to get his attention, he was still making sure all the exits were closed off and that there was no way of danger finding their way to us.

He turned slightly and looked at me carefully, his face exhausted and worn out, 

“Yeah?” he questioned warely. 

I suddenly became nervous, scared as of what he was going to say to me. I was doing my best to avoid making him angry, and I didn’t know how he would react if I started prying into his past.

“What did you do before everything happened?” I inquired, his eyebrows raised in surprise at my question. He slowly made his way over to where I was sitting and sat down next to me, his usual grim face had a small smile on it.

“I was a Carpenter actually.”

For some reason the idea of Joel being a Carpenter caused me to laugh out loud. I could hardly imagine this killing machine cutting up and installing wood into someone’s living room.

Joel made a wounded face, like he was offended by my actions, but I knew that he wasn’t because he had a small smirk instead of a frown. 

“And what exactly is so funny about that?” questioned Joel, his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity. 

I shrugged nonchalantly, a huge grin still spread across my face. I couldn’t believe how joking and open Joel was being, since he was always a bit of a reserved person. Seeing him smile for once brightened my mood.

It was clear that I was into him, things that used to come easy made me nervous. I just couldn't help it for some reason. 

“What about you? What did you do before all of this happened?” asked Joel, interest written all over his face, which genuinely surprised me, seeing how Joel never asked about me before. 

“Well, I was still in school actually, studying Fine Arts.” I replied, and the look of surprise on Joel’s face had me giggling. 

“I see now why you call me an old man, I would have been old enough to be your daddy,” joked Joel, the laughter brightening his entire face. He looked lovely. Regardless, I couldn't help but laugh at his words, the entire statement ridiculous seeing how I was 19 when the outbreak happened. 

“Shut the hell up, I wasn't like I was a child,” I replied back, playfully punching his arm.

Joel’s face instantly lost the brightness, the playfulness leaving it. I knew exactly what, or should I say who, he was thinking about.

He looked away from me, the look of worry clouding his face. It made me feel sad that he couldn’t be happy for one second without his past taking over all his emotions. I reached my arm out to him, and placed my hand over his large one, trying to show him that I was there to comfort him, that it was okay to confide his past in me. 

Joel shocked me as he turned over my hand in his, and entangled his fingers through mine, the warmth of his palm causing me to shudder. He gazed over to me, a small smile on his face, but his big hazel eyes looked sad.

“Sarah?” I asked softly, not wanting to pressure him into telling me anything.

His long fingers tightened around mine as he nodded slowly, breaking the eye contact between the both of us by looking down at our hands. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but I stopped him.

“You don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to. I understand..”

Joel shook his head, and turned back to me, looking deep into my eyes.

“I trust you. And I want you to know that,” my heart stopped in my chest as he whispered those words, the words that I had been waiting to hear for months, “Sarah was twelve when she..,” he looked away, his words catching in his throat, and I instantly squeezed his hand in comfort. 

“It was right when everythin’ started. Me and Tommy were just trying to get her out of our city, it was too dangerous to keep her there. We almost made it to the main road but we were stopped by a soldier, who was supposed to contain the outbreak. So he shot at us. I tried to take the bullet for Sarah, but I didn’t get in front of her in time. She got shot..S-she died in my arms, I wasn’t quick enough to save her, it was-” Joel stopped, his voice breaking and his eyes watering.

I could feel my heart breaking at his words, seeing him blame himself for the death of his daughter was too much to handle.

“Joel, it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t the one who fired that gun,” I whispered, unlatching my hand from his and moving over to him so I could cradle his face instead, his rough, graying beard scraping my palm.

“It was my fault. I was her dad, I was supposed to protect her from everything. I couldn’t save her,” Joel whispered angrily as a hot tear rolled down his cheek.

“It was not your fault, and you need to learn not to blame yourself,” I said in response as I wiped at the fresh tear. It was absurd that he would blame himself over something that was clearly out of his control.

He looked up at me, and I could see so many emotions drawn across his face. Anger, sadness, frustration and most of all, vulnerability. He felt open and exposed, and he was scared that I was going to take advantage of him. I hate to admit that I did. I just couldn’t help it, I had to know what his lips felt like again.

I moved so I could completely straddle him, bent down closer to his face, and brushed my lips lightly against his cheek, the soft brush causing my entire body, and his, to tremble. I slowly raised my hands from the side of his face and moved it up towards his head, as I threaded my fingers through his hair. 

As I gently pushed my lips against his, he wrapped his arms around my upper back, pulling my small body into his larger one. I heard a deep groan emit from the back of his throat as I deepened the kiss, my teeth nipping at his lower lip. 

It had been ages since I had actually felt the comfort of another human like this, and I couldn’t help but let my physical needs take over. I knew better than to initiate something more intimate than making out, and I didn’t want to seeing what had recently happened with Reuben, but I knew that I wanted to feel Joel in some type of way. Any type of way.

Joel instantly decided to take over, as he pulled me closer into his body, my own form molding into his. His hands ran down my back and moved to my hips, holding me in place. 

As soon as I couldn’t handle not breathing anymore, I broke away, but that didn’t stop me. I instantly moved to his neck, sucking and kissing down it, to his collarbone, and back up to his lips. Joel sat there during my attack, groaning quietly, and he couldn’t stop himself from grabbing my face with his large hands and deepening the kiss, his tongue slipping into my mouth. 

I could feel myself melting into his touches, soft whimpers slipping out of my throat and into his mouth, the grip of his palms that embraced my face had me shuddering. I was falling apart right in Joel’s hands, and I loved every moment of it.

“Fuck,” groaned Joel, his hips raising awkwardly, as if he were trying to move away from me. I immediately broke our kiss, moving my face away from him. We sat there watching each other, breathless from our heavy kissing.

“I can’t Y/n..I want to, but I can’t,” sighed Joel breathlessly. He looked disappointed with himself, and I was instantly pissed off. I swiftly moved off of him, and glared at him angrily.

“I don’t get it Joel!” I shouted, my frustration becoming clear, “ You were the one who kissed me first, and now you can’t? What does that even mean?”

Joel sighed in agitation, and he glared back at me.

“I want to be able to let go and hold you, and kiss you, but I can’t! I can’t lose you like I’ve lost everyone else. Ellie was the closest thing to a daughter I’ve had since Sarah, and I lost her. I can’t let myself love someone else, just to lose them all over again.”

The fight simultaneously left my body as I heard his words. I knew he was scared, but I didn’t imagine that he was this afraid of loving someone.

“You’re not going to fucking lose me,” I replied quietly, the hurt apparent on my face. 

He looked up at me, his eyes darkening over. The open, confiding Joel from once before was turning back into the closed, cold man I knew oh so well.

“That’s exactly what Ellie said.” 

I shook my head in disagreement, becoming furious from his accusations. 

“I'm not Sarah, I'm not Tommy, I'm not Ellie, I'm me. I survived however many years without you, and I'm sure that I can survive however many years with you. You need to learn that every little relationship isn't going to fall apart if you let yourself get attached to someone.”

Joel scoffed as he stood up, and walked away from where I was standing, moving towards one of the bedrooms. I couldn't believe that he was just going to leave and act like nothing happened, that he was going to keep living in denial. 

He turned back before he entered the room, barely made eye contact as he said, “We're leaving first thing in the morning. Make sure you're ready to go.”

I stood there, alone and frustrated that Joel couldn't even bother admitting his feelings to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments because they keep us motivated :,)


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TOMMY!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I JUST FELT LIKE UPLOADING SOMETHING IDK WHY

Chapter Six: Two days later 

“It’s over this way, we’re almost there,” proclaimed Joel, excitement written all over his face. It was clear that he was thrilled that he was about to be reunited with Tommy, and hopefully get answers about where Ellie was at. This was the most happy I’ve seen him since everything happened. We hardly even talked since then, him being too stubborn to apologize, and me being too annoyed, and slightly hurt, to attempt to make things better. 

The sound of rushing water became much more audible as we made our way up the hill to the dam. The trees obscured the barricade, but it was clear that we were close, seeing how I could barely hear my feet crunch against the leaves on the ground thanks to the rushing current.

It wasn’t long before I saw the large walls, and the rusty gate that led into the fortress that was Tommy’s dam.

I turned to Joel to see a small smile resting on his face as he glanced at the large gate, and it caused me to smile. We were finally going to get the answers we had been looking for, the ones that we had been searching to find for months.

I felt my heart start to beat out of my chest as we made our way closer to the entrance. I could see figures moving around behind the gates, and the gate suddenly started to creak open. I felt myself instinctively move closer to Joel, fear of what was about to happen caused me to become nervous, and he glanced down at me, smiling softly.

“Everything is going to be fine,” whispered Joel, his concern confusing me. The sudden concern for my well being threw me off, seeing how he's been a bit cold to me recently. 

I looked back towards the gate to see a group of men with large guns move towards us, and I immediately raised my weapon in return.

“State your purpose!” yelled one of the men, aiming his gun at me, his lips hardened into a grim line. 

Joel moved closer to me and pushed my gun down, the barrel facing the ground near my feet. It was clear that I didn't need to be alarmed by this men, but it's hard to trust so easy when someone is waving a gun in your face. 

“Calm down,” He whispered to me, a comforting smile resting on his face. I nodded in return and placed my gun back into its holster. 

“I'm here looking for Tommy. I'm Joel, his-”

“Brother!” Exclaimed a deep voice from behind the group of men. Suddenly, a man broke through them, making his way to the front of the group. 

His hair, along with his beard, was lengthy and dark, his eyes were a deep hazel, just like Joel's. It was easy to see the resemblance between the two, except that Joel was slightly bigger than Tommy. 

Joel's face instantly brightened, a huge grin covering the usual frown, as he jogged up to Tommy, and they hugged. I couldn't help but feel awkward standing there during the moment, but I also felt relieved that Tommy was actually here and safe. 

“I thought you were fucking dead. Ellie told me about what happened, She was so scared,” breathed Tommy, and his words made Joel pull back from him. 

“She came by?” demanded Joel, the eagerness apparent.

Tommy nodded in response, a large smirk drawn on his face. It was clear that Tommy was glad to be the one telling him that Ellie made it to the dam.

“That's my girl,” replied Joel, and I instantly felt out of place. I knew it was stupid to feel jealous over someone who was practically a daughter to him, but I couldn't help but feel insecure, and a bit sad. Sad that he could open up to her, but not to me. 

I looked down at my hands, trying not to feel affected by the conversation unfolding before me, but it was difficult not to react. Honestly, all I wanted to do was thank Joel for getting me this far and go on my merry way to avoid feeling hurt, but it wasn't exactly that easy. 

“And who is this beautiful lady here?” questioned Tommy, his voice ringing out towards me. I glanced up to see that everyone's eyes were placed on me, including Joel's. He looked beyond happy, while I felt uncomfortable under the watch of everyone. 

I looked shyly away as Joel spoke for me, “This is y/n. She's helped me through a lot, even saved my life. I owe a lot to her.”

Joel's words made me blush, and I looked up at Joel to see him looking at me in a different way, in a way I've never seen before. It felt… loving. I could feel butterflies flying through my stomach from the gaze. 

Tommy broke away from Joel and made his way over to me, and I was about to hold out my hand to give him an awkward shake, but he didn't hesitate in pulling my body into his, his warm, long arms wrapped around my small body. I relished in the feeling, and I knew at that moment that I was going to love Tommy. 

-

“Come with me, “ Maria said, a friendly smile on her face. Maria was Tommy's wife, and she was quick on introducing herself after her and Joel hugged and caught up a bit. She was a smaller lady, with short blond hair, and a serious looking face. 

I followed after Maria after getting a tight nod from Joel, that it was okay to trust everyone here. I still didn't like being alone by myself with new people without Joel being there. I guess I had just gotten used to Joel's safety presence surrounding me that it was hard to function without him. 

Maria led me to a small bedroom with a bed in the corner, and I could see that a door inside the room led into a bathroom. 

“So,” Maria turned to me, “How long have you and Joel been together?”

Maria seemed very open and honest, and I felt like I could trust her. I mean, if Joel could, then I could. 

“Well we first met around March, so I say a few-”

“No, “ chuckled Maria, as if she was in on a joke that I hadn't heard. I looked at her in confusion, and wanted to know what exactly she was talking about. 

“How long have y'all been together?”

As soon as I registered what she was assuming, I knew that my face turned red from embarrassment. I didn't really think I was going to be bumping into Joel's sister in law, and now that she was asking about how long we had been sleeping together, I was at a loss for words. 

“O-oh, we haven't, we're not a thing, “ I stuttered, suddenly beyond nervous being in the same room as her. I could handle an army of clickers, but apparently not a simple conversation with another woman. 

She had a look of shock on her face as she processed my words. 

“Really? Joel has never traveled so long with another person, not unless he trusts them. And seeing how you're a grown woman, and he's a grown man.”

Those words caused me to quirk an eyebrow in surprise. So Joel did enjoy my company, but that doesn't explain why he constantly pushed me away. 

“I'm genuinely surprised honestly,” Maria said in disbelief, “The way he was looking at you, it seemed as if you were the only person in the room,”  
That statement caused me to scoff internally,  
“But Joel does have trust issues, from what Tommy has told me.”

“What has Tommy told you?” I asked, seeing how this was the only way I'd get information about Joel, seeing how he was so stubborn. 

“Well, his wife left him, before everything happened, and then with Sarah… I just think he's been through a hell of a lot, even before the world ended,” she moved towards the door and looked at me before walking about completely.

“Give him time, and he'll come around. Anyways, I'll bring fresh clothes if you want to shower, Joel will probably be back in a bit, him and Tommy have a lot of catching up to do. You two are going to have to share this room since all of our other rooms are currently filled.”

I nodded in return, “Yeah, that would be great. Thank you.”  
The idea of sharing a room with Joel didn't concern me, it actually comforted me. 

She gave me a friendly smile as she left the room, and left me there to sort to my needs. 

-

I woke up to the sound of running water, and I immediately knew that Joel was in the room with me. I tried to stay up after my shower so I could talk to him about everything when he got back, but I couldn't help but fall asleep. The feel of the sheets under my worn body felt amazing, and I practically fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. 

The running water suddenly cut off, and I was left in silence. My head was still snuggled under the blanket, only my eyes could be seen to peek out. The bathroom door opened noiselessly, the humid air leaking out into the cool air of the room as Joel quietly tiptoed into the room. 

His shape was hard to see, seeing how the only lighting was from the bathroom, but that didn't prevent me from watching him. 

He had a towel wrapped around his low hips, his entire upper half bare. His bare back rippled in the dim light as he walked over towards the small desk in the corner of the room and picked up what I assumed were clothes. 

He turned back around and I ducked a little bit under the blanket so he wouldn't see me looking at him. He ran his fingers through his wet hair as he walked past me, back into the bathroom, and shut the door carefully. 

It wasn't long before he put his clothes on and made his way back into the room, clicking the light switch off in the bathroom. I heard the quiet patter of his bare feet as he walked towards the bed. 

I could feel his warm hand run over my forehead and through my hair, making a shiver run through me. 

“Hey, move over,” whispered Joel, and he ran his hand down to my shoulder to shake me gently. 

I wordlessly moved over to make room for Joel in the bed, my heart beating the entire time. We had stayed in the same room, even slept near each other, but sharing the same bed was a different experience for me. 

“Did you find out where Ellie is?” I asked sleepily, my curiosity getting the best of me. 

Joel chuckled lightly as he climbed into the bed next to me, the bed sinking down under his weight, causing my body to curl into his. 

“We can talk about that in the morning. Get some sleep kiddo, we've got a lot to talk about.” 

-

I woke up to Joel's arms wrapped around my body, his arms thick and heavy over my hips. He must have absent mindedly done it during his sleep, not that I was complaining. It felt nice to be held, even if it wasn't intentional. 

I rolled around, moving in Joel's arms, so I could look at his face. He looked peaceful, almost happy even. The usual deep frown lines were softened, his close knit eyebrows that were usually furrowed in concern were evened out. Yesterday was clearly a good day for him since he got to see his brother and he found out where Ellie could possibly be.

Joel shifted around a bit and surprisingly opened his eyes, to me. I couldn't imagine how weird it must have been to wake up to someone watching them sleep, and I instantly felt embarrassed, like I had been caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing. 

His eyes were barely open, and he had a sleepy smile on his face. 

“Mornin’,” Joel murmured, his voice deep and sleep ridden. He looked absolutely precious, his face soft, almost childlike. 

“Good morning,” I replied, and I couldn’t help but smile at how at peace Joel seemed ever since being here. It was like his mood shot up thanks to Tommy.

Joel awkwardly removed his arms from around my body, and climbed out of the bed, the bed squeaking and groaning from the weight being lifted off of it.

“Well, I’m about to go talk to Tommy and gather up the supplies we need before we get going again,” Joel said, looking down at me. 

“Where exactly are we going?” I inquired, the vague response that he gave last night had me confused.

“Salt Lake City,” said Joel as he looked down at the wooden floor, “That’s where Ellie was headed.”

“Why?” I asked 

“Look, I’ll tell you later when we’re out runnin-”

I cut him off with a light scoff, “Joel, we’ve been on the run for months and you still haven’t told me who Ellie is or why she was with you.”

He sighed while sitting back down on the bed, causing it to squeak. “I was a smuggler..” 

I looked at him in confusion while shaking my head, “A smuggler? Really?” 

“My partner and I were promised a doubled cache if we smuggled Ellie to the Fireflies held up in the Massachusetts State House.” said Joel in an agitated voice, like it hurt him to tell me the truth. 

“Why the hell did they want you to 'smuggle’ her in the first place?” I asked, becoming even more confused and slightly annoyed.

“Because they thought she was the goddamn cure, Y/n!” he snapped. His face suddenly got softer after a few seconds as he let out a small sigh, 

“She got infected three weeks before I met her, and she hadn’t turned. It was my job to deliver her to the fireflies but it got complicated and they tried to hurt her. We've been running ever since. She turned up here and told Tommy that she wanted to go to Salt Lake and he tried to convince her to stay until I got here but her stubborn ass wouldn’t listen. She left a few days ago.” 

I stared at the wall behind Joel, at a loss for words. I couldn't believe that he deliberately withheld such important information from me. I thought we were moving past that, past all the secrets, but apparently we weren't. I nodded my head slightly and rolled out of the creaky bed. 

I cleared my throat as I stood up straight, “I don’t know why you couldn’t have told me that months ago, Joel.”

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door, giving him no time to reply.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a lil more heated ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SMUT SMUT SMUT OMG  
> so if you don't wanna read it, you can totally skip past this chapter and just start with the next one whenever I post it (i just need to do a lil editing)  
> I don't plan on having a lot of smut throughout the rest of the story since it's going to end soon and I want to focus on the plot right now, but I really wanted to add some in. mkay, thanks!

Chapter Seven:

After the secret was out about Ellie and I composed myself in the bathroom, I walked out to find that Joel wasn't there. I wasn't surprised, it was a typical Joel move to leave and not try to apologize for withholding important information from me. 

I walked out the room, gathering all my belongings, and I trailed back to the entrance way of the building. 

Whenever I reached the doorway leading out into the courtyard of the dam, I could see Joel talking to Tommy, and two men were standing next to Joel. I was instantly confused as to why they were there, but I knew soon enough that I would get my answers.

“What’s going on?” I questioned as I approached the group, and all eyes were suddenly on me, including Joel’s. He looked a bit sad when we made eye contact, his face had a hurt puppy dog expression on it. I could tell that he felt bad about not telling me about Ellie, but regardless, I was pissed. I truly didn’t have anything to say to him.

Tommy smiled at me, clearly not noticing the tense atmosphere between me and Joel, and gestured to the men standing before us.

“Joel and I decided that you guys should have extra help on your way to Salt Lake,” the men standing there finally made sense to me.

Uncertainty was clearly written on my face as I processed his words, and Tommy’s expression faltered when he saw.

“Do you really think we need two of your men? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the help, but we made it all the way from Georgia to here without anyone else,” I replied, and I could see Joel glare at me out of the corner of my eye.

“I don’t think it was that easy Y/n. We had numerous close calls, we almost-”

I whipped my head around to Joel to quickly cut him off, annoyance apparent on my face.

“I was talking to Tommy, not to you,” I said angrily. I didn’t need his input, he already had enough to say that morning.  
Joel shockingly looked hurt at my words, and I could see the surprise written on Tommy’s face by my harsh tone. I didn’t mean to make a scene, but all of my frustrations were becoming difficult to hold back. 

“Some of our family actually lives in Salt Lake. We wanted to see if we could find them, we could go our separate ways as soon as we reach it,” one of the men said. 

I turned to the voice, and got a good look at him. He was decently tall and broad-shouldered, with a mop of brown hair and thick, dark brows that were contrasted by a boyish grin. He was certainly attractive, and seemed friendly. He had to be around my age, maybe a little bit younger.

“I mean honestly, it would be for us really, not the other way around,” he continued to say, and the man next to him shook his head in agreeance. You could tell that they were both related, but the other man was much older from the first man. He had a bit of an intense atmosphere revolving around him, but his little brother already had sold me. 

I nodded, and turned back to Tommy. 

“Alright.”

-

I was walking ahead of everyone, not really in the mood for social interaction. I just wanted to make it to Salt Lake City and get everything done with. I was still dumbfounded by the conversation Joel and I had earlier, but it wasn’t like I could yell at him right in front of the new people.

Speaking of which...

“Hey!” said the younger man as he jogged up to me. I internally rolled my eyes at the effort he was making, and I instantly felt bad. It wasn’t his fault that Joel was a prick.

“Hi,” I replied, forcing a smile. God, why couldn’t I just be left alone.

“I’m Lucas. That’s my older brother Wyatt back there,” he said, pointing to where Joel and the older man were walking. Joel and I made eye contact, his expression cold and dark. I quickly looked away. 

I nodded in response, and introduced myself.

“That is quite a lovely name,” Lucas vocalized, loud enough for anyone on the road to hear, including Joel. I couldn’t help but snicker at the cute flirting that Lucas had just attempted. At least someone wanted to flirt with me I supposed.

Lucas instantaneously began talking about everything that came to his mind. His past, his future, what he planned on doing when he got to Salt Lake City. I could hardly get a word in at all; not that I wanted to. I quickly warmed up to Lucas, because his chatter was comforting. I was used to one word responses passed between Joel and me, so it was different to have someone talk to me non stop.

“Could y’all be quiet up there, before you attract all of the infected in the state of Wyoming?” questioned Joel. I turned back to see a deep frown on his face, and to see Wyatt nod in agreement. 

“Lucas, you know you should keep it down,” Wyatt replied, his tone commanding. For some reason, I felt a bit uneasy with Wyatt. He was too quiet, too suspicious. I let the thought pass as I turned back to Lucas.

Lucas looked at me and rolled his eyes, a smirk on his face that caused me to laugh out loud. I could tell that Lucas and Wyatt probably bickered like crazy, they seemed as if they were polar opposites. 

My laughter was cut short by the sound of screaming infected. I instantly grew serious, and I could see Lucas ready his gun out of the corner of my eye. I mimicked his actions, and I could hear Joel and Wyatt run up close behind us.

“We should try to avoid them,” Lucas suggested, “There was a house further back that we passed, we should stay there until they clear out.” We had been walking all day too, seeing how the sun was starting to go down. It was a great idea to find somewhere safe. 

All four of us swiftly turned our bodies around, away from the infected and ran to the run-down house Lucas mentioned.

Lucas ran up to the house quickly, with me and everyone else trailing close behind him. I turned back to see that no infected were following us, and that we successfully escaped. Lucas had a great idea running back to this house. 

Lucas also noticed that we were safe, so he carefully opened the door to the house instead of busting it down. There was no point in attracting more infected if we were already safe.

As soon as he opened the door, we all followed him in. My heart was still beating rapidly in my chest from the events that had just taken place. 

I caught my breath a bit before Lucas sauntered towards my direction, a small smile on his face. 

“Not a very.. lavish place, but it’ll keep us safe until the infected pass.” chuckled Lucas, as he watched my face. I looked back at him with a nervous smile on my face, the close call scared me a bit. 

“You, um,-” Lucas didn't bother finishing his sentence, instead he brushed a strand of hair out of my face, and tucked it behind my ear. 

I smiled awkwardly and looked down at the old, wooden floor. It was now clear that Lucas had a thing for me, and I couldn't say that I felt the same. At all.

I could sense a set of eyes being locked onto me, and they weren't Lucas’. I tilted my head over and looked up at Joel. He was still catching his breath while continuing to keep his eyes on me, his brows furrowed. 

The eye contact soon broke, Joel lightly scoffed and walked up the rickety stairs as Lucas kept talking about pointless things that I honestly didn’t really care about. The only thing that was on my mind was Joel. 

“Excuse me,” I cut Lucas off and walked upstairs and into the small room that Joel had stomped into. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” I angrily whispered as I followed Joel into the dingy bedroom, slamming the door behind me. The windows were boarded up, a small bed was pushed into the corner, and there were clothes and other unimportant items strewn across the room. 

Joel whipped around, and his face had me shaking. There was pure rage written all over it, and for the first time since I'd known him, I was terrified of what would happen next with him. 

“You're my fucking problem,” he growled, his brows furrowed in anger. 

Even though he was clearly pissed, so was I, and I didn't hesitate in glowering back at him, and stepping closer to his gigantic stature that towered over mine.

“You know what, it's always about fucking you. Now you can shut up and listen, because it's my turn!”

Joel's face shockingly darkened even more as he stepped closer to me, which caused me to back away an inch. He was just so intimidating, all the time. Anyone in their right mind would be afraid of him. 

“You're mean to me! You don't appreciate anything I do! I constantly put my life on the line for you, yet you can’t even be honest with me! Not to mention, you're always pushing me away like I'm nothing to you!” I screamed in his face, no longer caring about Lucas and Wyatt hearing. 

Joel scoffed as if to mock me, and rolled his eyes as he moved closer towards me, and I suddenly felt my back hit the wall.

“If I'm so terrible, if I'm so mean to you, then why are you here?” he spat out in my face, our noses were almost touching from the close proximity. 

“Because that's what friends do.”

“Oh?” Joel questioned, “Is that all I am to you? A friend? Is that why you're in there letting Lucas touch all over you, even with what happened with-”

I cut him off by pushing his strong chest, not that it made him move at all. 

“Don't you dare fucking say his name,” I growled, Joel knew exactly how close I was to snapping, but he continued to keep poking the bear with the stick. 

“Or what? What the hell are you going to do? Huh?”

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could think about them, and I instantly regretted them as soon as they spilled out. 

“I see why Ellie fucking left you.”

Joel's eyes locked with mine at my words, and the room was suddenly dead silent. His expression didn't falter at all, and I couldn't even imagine what was running through his head at what I just said. 

“That's it.”

Joel slammed my body against the wall as he aggressively pressed his lips against mine, the sudden contact making me gasp. 

His hands quickly ran up the expanse of my body, grabbing and squeezing everything they touched, and they stopped as they reached my breasts. 

He bit my bottom lip hard, and it caused me to cry out in pain and wrap my arms around his broad shoulders. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth, and from there on out, I was putty in his hands. 

He could feel my body going limp from the mere pleasure he was inducing over me just by a few kisses, and he immediately grabbed my body and pulled me closer to him. He moved away from my lips and went to attack my neck, sucking and biting his way across it. 

“Oh, so you don't want to say anything now, huh?” Joel questioned, his voice gruff and low, which caused my body to shudder in his hold. 

“Please, Joel,” I whispered, my eyes squeezed shut. I couldn't believe how controlling he was being, how dominant he was acting in the situation since he was so shy the first time we messed around. 

Joel scoffed angrily, and pried open my thighs with one of his strong legs. My body fell perfectly on his thick thigh, and I couldn't help but grind down on it. The sensation of my clit rubbing against his rough denim had me whimpering and I began to find myself dry humping his leg.

“That's it baby, I know you've been wantin’ this for awhile,” he whispered in my ear, as his hands finally grabbed and squeezed on my breasts. I couldn't help myself, and I could hear my own voice yelp from the feeling. 

I threw my head back, and I felt it hit the wall but that was the last thing I cared about. I could feel my back arching into his touch, and I could feel the wetness leaking out from my pants onto Joel's thigh. 

His strong hands didn't stop their assault on my chest, squeezing and grabbing, and while he was being rough, I loved every second of it. 

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, and his face had me trembling. His eyes were blown with lust, his lips red and swollen from kissing me so hard. His eyebrows were still furrowed so he still held a level of intimidation. 

I unwrapped my arms from his body, and instead used my hands to pull at his shirt, signaling to him to take it the hell off. He quickly pulled off his shirt, and I immediately ran my hands up his body, his chest hard against my palms.

He moved his leg out from between my thighs, the loss of contact caused me to whimper, but his lips were there to quiet me down. He didn't waste any time with unzipping my pants, and roughly shoved his hands past my underwear and jeans to rub against the most sensitive part in my body. 

I could hear myself hiss out loud from the contact, and he groaned in response. I know that he could tell that I was absolutely soaking wet, because two of his thick fingers slipped into me easily.

“Is this okay?” Joel asked quietly as he broke character from being angry and dominating, concern laced throughout his voice. I almost laughed at how compassionate he suddenly seemed. There he was, throwing me into the wall and making me fall apart in his arms, and now he's asking if I'm okay?

“Just fuck me Joel,” I growled, rolling my hips on his fingers, the stretch of his thick fingers feeling like absolute heaven. 

“I have barely touched you and you’re already this turned on,” Joel groaned as he finally found the spot I had been waiting for. As his fingers brushed over my g-spot, I squirmed in his touch, and the oversensitivity became too much. 

I whimpered as I grabbed the wrist that was shoved down my pants, but he didn't make an effort to pull his hand away. He just looked down at me and gave me a half smirk as he continued to rub his fingers against my most sensitive spot, so I wasn't surprised when an orgasm washed over me. 

I stopped breathing as my body shuddered from my climax, I could feel my toes curling, my thighs quivering, my pussy clenching around his fingers. 

Joel kept rubbing me until my orgasm finished itself out, and he quickly pulled his hand away, and used both hands to cradle my face as he kissed me softly. 

I pulled away from his kiss, and went to unzip his dark jeans, but his hands caught mine quickly. I looked up at him in confusion, not understanding what I did that made him not want me. 

“We don't have to do anything else. I'll be okay with it,” he said, his face calm and sincere. It was obvious that he didn't mean any of the things he had said earlier, and that he didn't want to push me too far. 

I scoffed and rolled my eyes as I dropped down to my knees in front of him, more than ready to repay him for the orgasm he just gave me. I continued to unzip his jeans, and he watched me, his dark hazel eyes full blown with lust. 

His cock jumped out from his worn boxers, and I couldn't help the sharp inhale of air I took. His thick, long cock was red and leaking with precum; I could tell that he was just as turned on as I was. 

I tugged his jeans down a bit further to have access to his dick, and I carefully slipped my palm around it, to squeeze the base. 

His hips jerked slightly at the sudden touch, and I looked up to see him biting his lip to prevent himself from shouting out, from showing how vulnerable he could be. I couldn't have himself holding back though, I had to hear his grunts of pleasure. 

So I took his entire dick in my mouth at once. 

Joel instantly moaned loudly and his body shuddered, unprepared of the actions I decided to take. I downed his cock until my nose reached the base of his penis, my nose tucked into his dark pubic hair, and I held myself there. Even though the stretch of his cock had my throat screaming for air, and my eyes watering, I kept doing it because I wanted to make Joel feel good. 

I felt his hand on the back of my head, his fingers entangling themselves into my hair as he pulled my head back softly, trying to be gentle. His other hand was pressed against the wall behind me to keep himself from falling over. 

I glanced up at him, his cock still buried deep in my throat, opening it with a delicious burn that caused me to roll my hips from how turned on I was becoming again. 

“Stop or else I won't last.” growled Joel, his desperation becoming even more and more apparent. His words made me whimper, but I still didn't pull away from his cock. Instead, I started to bob my head back and forth quickly, just to go against his words. 

His hands were suddenly tighter in my hair as he yanked hard, making me lose my concentration and slip my mouth off of his dick. I coughed from the lack of air and sudden roughness from Joel, but I had to admit that it had me shuddering in pure pleasure and excitement for what would come next. 

“Stand up,” Joel growled, his deep, commanding tone had me immediately jump up in excitement for what was to come.

He pulled his jeans up over his ass, cock still hanging out, as he pushed me over to the bed harshly, my body falling face first onto the mattress. You didn't hear me complaining though, because I knew that I would be completely safe in his care. If I told him to stop, he would stop, and he would never push me more than I wanted to be pushed.

I could feel him tugging my jeans down more, and I glanced back at him to see his face hardened and dark once again. He was continuing his façade as “tough” Joel to intimidate me, and it was totally working even though I knew he would never intentionally hurt me. 

We made quick eye contact as he pulled my pants, panties, and shoes off, and the glare made me look away nervously. Perhaps I should've just stopped when he asked me to. 

I turned back to see Joel kneeling in between my spread thighs, his eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard and saw right through me. 

I knew exactly what he was about to do, and it made me bury my head into the sheets below me. In less than a second, his face was buried in between my legs, and his tongue was relentless. 

He held my hips tight against the bed to restrain me from moving, and boy was that a good idea. My body convulsed with pleasure, my hips squirming under his tongue. 

I could feel the vibrations of his groans run up my body, and it only added to the sensation of his mouth eating out my most sensitive part, his mouth sucking, his tongue flicking. I was a hot fucking mess. 

I brought my knuckle up to my mouth and bit down hard to avoid screaming out from the wonderful feeling Joel was inducing over my body, not wanting to alarm any infected or humans of our sexual frustrations being released. 

I think it was a little too late for that though. 

Quickly, Joel's lips detached from my abused cunt, and he flipped my body over rapidly, pushing me up further on the bed. I saw him struggle to remove his jeans, but he suddenly swiftly tugged them off and was on top of me in a flash. 

He kissed me rough and hungrily, slipping his tongue past mine. I gasped at the taste of myself on his lips, and I was surprised on how turned on I became from it. My hands found their way into his hair, tugging and pulling, and I could hear him growl from my roughness. 

I could feel him spreading his legs with mine, and his body lower between my thighs; I was suddenly worried. We had no condoms, most of them had probably expired long ago, but of course Joel read my mind. 

“Don't worry,” he whispered between kisses as he rubbed his hard cock against my wet pussy, which had my body trembling under his. 

I untangled my hands from his hair and reached to grab onto something, anything, as he slowly pushed his cock into me. As I clenched the sheets above my head, I looked up to see his eyes roll back into his head as he felt the stretch of my pussy around him. I felt the effect too, my toes curling, my thighs quivering. 

Joel quickly ran his hands up my hips as whenever he fully was inside of me, and reached up to lace his fingers through mine. He looked down at me with a look of admiration, which made my heart skip a beat, the look being so pure. He leaned down and kissed me softly as he began to move inside of me. 

He started with rolling his hips, his pelvis pressing against me perfectly. I moaned into the kiss and began to roll my hips along with his, matching every thrust he threw at me. It felt amazing, his cock rubbing inside of my pussy constantly, it had my body shuddering. But I needed more. 

“Joel please, harder, faster,” I whimpered in our kiss, and I could feel him beginning to pick up the pace. His hips began to go at a relentless speed, his dick curling inside of me, rubbing and touching my walls, making tingles run down to my toes. 

He pulled away from my lips and over to my neck as his hips began to move more erratically, more desperately. His hips snapped into mine, and his body was tense above mine. It was clear that he was close, and so was I. 

He unlaced one of his hands from mine and moved it to my clit, where he began to rub me profoundly, my hips rolling and my body shaking from the pressure he was applying. 

I could feel my orgasm approaching quickly, so I grabbed the back of his head with my free hand and pushed his face towards mine, so he could kiss me to quiet the moan that was about to escape my lips. 

All Joel had to do was snap his hips down once more to have me coming and clenching around his cock, my moans being drowned out by his kisses. He quickly pulled out of me and jerked himself off into his palm as he came between mine and his stomach. A groan escaped his mouth as he finished, and the feeling of him shooting onto me had me shutting my eyes and squeezing his hand. He was just so fucking hot. 

He didn't even care about the mess in between us as he fell on top of me, his weight comforting but almost crushing me. We both layed there, catching our breath after the wild experience that just unfolded before us. 

We both knew that our relationship had just been taken to the next level, but was Joel ready to admit it?


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG SOFT JOEL I?? LOVE?? SOFT?? JOEL??

I opened my eyes slowly, and stayed lying there for a moment while trying to collect my thoughts. I could feel Joel’s arms around me, his grip tight yet comforting. I tried to understand what happened last night, but it all seemed like a dream. After we finished last night and cleaned up, Joel threw me one of his shirts and I happily climbed into it. I guess we ended up falling asleep together. I couldn't believe that Joel and I actually…

The sun was shining through the broken window, lighting the entire room. I could hear the chirping of birds in the distance. Everything seemed calm for once in my life, and I was loving every second of it. I felt safe. I smiled to myself and yawned sleepily, thinking of the man laying in the bed next to me. The man who kept me safe, who protected me. Even though we fought and had times where we gave each other the silent treatment, I knew that we would always have each other's backs. 

"Good mornin’," A familiar, husky voice broke my thoughts.

My heart raced as I turned around to face Joel, and I could have never imagined myself being nervous around him. It was as if I had a silly schoolgirl crush on him, I could barely keep myself from smiling ear to ear. 

I looked up at him shyly, and he smiled down at me. It was odd seeing him so happy, and the way he looked at me made butterflies explode in my stomach. He looked relaxed and opened, like he was ready to give himself to me. It felt as if everything was intensified in our relationship, but at the same time, it felt as if nothing had changed at all.

“Hey,” I replied back, burying my head into the crook of his shoulder. He chuckled as he pulled my small body closer to his, his strong arms providing me with comfort that I hadn’t felt in a long time. He rubbed the small of my back as I tangled my legs together with his.

“We should probably get up soon. We don’t want to keep Lucas and Wyatt waiting even longer,” Joel said, but his voice betrayed him. He didn’t sound like he wanted to get out of bed at all, and neither did I. I could have laid with him all day honestly. 

“I can’t believe you were jealous,” I said, but my voice was muffled by Joel’s shoulder, and he chuckled and moved back in response.

“Run that by me one more time?” 

“I said,” I pulled back from Joel and sat up so that he was looking up at me, “I can’t believe that you were jealous.”

Joel’s face looked incredulous as he shook his head and scoffed, it was apparent that he wasn’t going to admit his jealousy to me. He was too stubborn and thick headed to say anything along those lines, and he proved my point by gruffly mumbling, “I don’t get jealous.”

I felt like I wanted to tease him even more, seeing how he was such in a good mood that morning and we never had the opportunity to just joke and tease each other. 

“You know that envy is one of the seven deadly sins, right?”

Joel looked up at me and rolled his eyes, “You know that envy is one of the seven deadly sins, right?” Joel grumbled, mocking me. I couldn’t help but laugh at his childish actions; he was just so cute. He grabbed my arms and tugged me closer to him so we could kiss, and I instantly melted into him. He ran his fingers through my hair and pulled me into him, to where I was straddling him. 

It was becoming heated quick, the kiss started to become more intense as I slowly started moving my hips over his. The only clothing item I had on my lower body were my underwear, and his were boxers, so it wasn’t hard to imagine how turned on we were both getting. I moaned deeply into his mouth as he thrust up hard into me, and he quickly grabbed my hips to keep me from moving. 

“Let’s not start something that we won’t be able to finish,” whispered Joel into my mouth in between the kiss, trying to push me off of him lightly. I complied and pulled back, not that I wanted to, but because I knew that we had a responsibility to attend to. Finding Ellie. 

“Fine,” I grumbled, climbing off of him and moving to grab my clothes and get dressed. He watched me move off of the bed with a small smile on his face, and a glint in his eyes. I was pretty positive it was because I was wearing his shirt, and it was so massive on me that it almost touched my knees. 

“I need my shirt back,” Joel called from the bed as I looked around the room to find the clothes that he ripped off of me last night. I turned back towards him to see him sprawled out on the bed and watching me, and it gave me an idea.

“Okay,” I proclaimed, and immediately stripped the shirt from off of my body and threw it at him. It didn’t help that I didn’t have a bra on underneath, so I stood there bare for him, except for my underwear. His gaze instantly darkened from my actions, and I couldn’t help but snicker.

“Let's not start something that we won't be able to finish,” I mocked back to him. 

He continued to watch me as he moved to get up, making his way over to me. He pulled me into him and started kissing my neck, and I could feel him smiling through the kisses. 

“It's a nice look on you,” I whispered, and Joel pulled back and looked down at me, confusion written on his face. 

“What is?” He questioned.

I turned back to grab my pants, and pulled them on as I said, “You smiling, being happy for once.”

I didn't hear a reply, so I continued to get dressed, and I could hear him doing the same behind me. As I was pulling on my shoes and lacing them up, I heard Joel call me from behind. 

“Hey look,” Joel said, placing his hand on my shoulder. I turned back and looked up at him, and he had a strange look of guiltiness written on his face. 

“I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Ellie. The entire situation is difficult and complicated, and it was dangerous for you to know, it still is. The fireflies could take you and use you to get information about me or Ellie. I was just trying to keep you safe and out of it.”

Although I knew that he was clearly sorry, and that he withheld the information from me without cruel intentions, it still made me feel unsettled that he couldn't trust me with such a secret. Or any secrets. 

“I understand Joel. I just want you to be honest with me. I can't handle all the secrets, I thought that we were getting past that,” I replied, looking down at my shoe laces. I guess I was still upset in a way, and disappointed. 

I could feel fingers on my chin as Joel crouched down next to me and turned my face so I was looking at him, 

“I want to be able to be honest with you, okay?”

I nodded in response, and he leaned closer to me and kissed me softly. I instantly felt my heart speed up from the affection he was showing to me. I just wasn’t sure how long it would last, seeing how he was so reserved and quiet. You never knew with Joel, so I decided to just relish it and enjoy it while I could.

We pulled apart and grabbed our things so we could go downstairs and go ahead and get started for the day. I knew it was going to be an awkward situation, seeing how Lucas was flirting with me earlier yet he clearly had to hear me and Joel the night before. It was kind of embarrassing, but I knew that was Joel’s intention, to make me scream and to show Lucas that I was his. He even admitted it to me before we had sex. 

I followed Joel down the stairs, ready to face Lucas and Wyatt’s judging eyes, but as soon as we made our way down, we didn’t see them or any of their supplies. I was instantly confused, and I became worried of where they might be. Joel walked over towards a table near the front door and picked up a piece of paper, his back turned to me as he read it.

“Well, what does it say?” I questioned, his silence causing me to worry even more. He turned around to me, annoyance obvious on his face thanks to his inward slanting eyebrows. He offered the note to me, I slowly grabbed the worn down piece of paper out of Joel’s hand and held it up to read it.

“Dear Joel and M/c, if you ever end up reading this, chances are Wyatt and I have gone our separate ways from y’all. There were a couple of loose ends up in St. George that needed.. addressing, according to Wyatt that is. We didn’t want y’all to get too wrapped up in it and Wyatt didn’t want y’all to slow us down from what needed to be done. Don’t mention any of this to Tommy either if you see him again, will ya? I’d reckon that it’d only make matters worse. No offense to either of you, you two are an independent bunch that don’t need two redneck brothers with ya. All jokes aside, I wish y’all the best in finding that girl you’re after. May we meet again. -Lucas”

“They fucking left us,” I scoffed in disbelief, the words on the letter causing annoyance to not only Joel, but to me too. I could tell that Lucas probably meant well, but on the other hand, I wasn’t too certain about Wyatt’s case. Regardless, the fact that they had the nerve to ask Joel to lie to his own brother about their whereabouts; that was crossing a line. 

Joel continued to have a disgusted look on his face as he forcefully grabbed the note out of my hands and shred it in half. He threw it into the nearby fireplace and grabbed his backpack off of the small wooden chair that was slightly tucked into the table. 

He walked to the door that was cracked open, 

“We’ll be better off without them, y/n.” 

I looked down at the floorboards and lightly nodded my head. Grabbing my bag, I walked over to Joel and followed him outside of the small house.

 

 

-

 

After what seemed like hours, Joel and I were walking along a highway with old, run down cars flooding the road.   
“Jesus, how fucking long is this highway?” I asked while grabbing the water bottle out of the mesh side pocket in my backpack, irritation flew throughout my voice.

I didn’t receive a response from Joel, he was behind me looking at the engine of an old hippie styled van.. literally, I looked into the fogged up window and saw a faded marijuana sticker on the inside of the door. 

“Nice,” I scoffed to myself quietly. 

I heard a small chuckle escape Joel’s lips. I walked around the van and over to him

“All we need is some gas and this puppy will be up and running again. The engine is perfect.” 

“Hmm, I didn’t know that you were a mechanic,” I teasingly said back to him. 

“C’mon, help me find some gas for this thing,” he smirked, causing me to blush and look away. 

I laughed and walked around the eerie, abandoned vehicles on the long highway looking for a jerry can that was hopefully not empty. After gaining some distance away from Joel, I encountered an RV, it was tipped onto its side. 

“Over here!” I yelled, and Joel ran over quickly. He had a look of disbelief on his face as I started to climb up the side of it, and he grabbed my arm before I could actually pull myself up. 

“Have you lost your damn mind?” Joel questioned, holding my arm tightly. 

I rolled my eyes teasingly as I pulled my arm and broke away from him, “Joel, it's an RV. They have to have an extra gas can in there or something, it's common sense. I'll be in and out, just help me up.”

Joel just looked at me, a look of skepticism and hesitation shadowing his face. It was clear that he didn't want me to drop in there by myself, but I needed someone to help me out afterwards. 

“Fine,” he grumbled, turning so he could help me up the side of the RV, and as soon as I climbed up, I grabbed his hand and pulled him up next to me. 

I made my way down to where the door was and opened it, peering down into the darkness. I couldn't hear anything moving about, so I wasn't too worried. 

I pulled out my flashlight as I turned to Joel and said, “I'll be in and out. Be ready to pull me up.”

Joel nodded and watched me drop down, a serious expression painted on his face. Joel's new apparent care for my well being made me feel comforted. I knew he had my back, so I wasn't afraid of anything. 

I turned on my flashlight as I took in the sight before me. The RV was a mess, clothes and supplies thrown around everywhere. I was quick, sifting through the items, grabbing water bottles or batteries, anything that could be useful. 

“Did you find it yet?” Joel asked loudly from the door. I peered up to see him looking down at me, his brows furrowed in concern. 

“Not yet!” I called back, and that's when I heard movement from the back of the cabin. My head instantly shot up to the sound, and chills ran down my spine. I lifted up my flashlight and pointed it towards the noise, to see a clicker standing at the end of the cabin. 

It was clear that it had been in there for a long time, it's fungus ridden skin a dark, dark gray color, as if it never had gotten sunlight. I looked up at Joel to see him watching me, and I slowly lifted a shaky finger to my lips to signal to him not to talk, the fear from the clicker evident on my face. 

His expression suddenly turned perturbed and distressed, and he quickly moved to reach down and pull me up, causing the RV to shake from his weight. 

The clicker, hearing the noise, started to cry out and slowly come towards me, so I instantly started grabbing for Joel's hand so I could escape from the creature. Before I could interlock fingers with Joel though, I noticed something red reflecting off of the light of my flashlight, in between the clicker and me. 

A fucking jerry can. 

I looked up at Joel’s frightened face, and then back at the clicker before I made my decision. 

I took off and ran towards the can, Joel's upset calls for me fueling my efforts to reach the can and make it out safely. I slid in the trash that was laying on the ground as I reached the jerry can, grabbed it, and ran back to Joel's screaming voice. 

The clicker was closer than ever, practically on my ass as I sped to the open door. I reached up with my free hand, the other one clutching the can, as Joel grabbed my hand and started to pull me up desperately. 

The clicker, hearing our cries rise, followed the noises and grabbed my leg before I was safely out, and tugged me to where I almost slipped out of Joel's hand. 

“Don't let go!” I cried out, kicking at the clicker as Joel and the creature played tug of war with my body. I finally got a good blow to its head, kicking it so hard that some of the fungus actually flew off of its rotting face. 

It cried out in pain and fell back, letting go of my leg and instead, cradling its face. I was finally safe from the monster. 

Joel quickly pulled me and the gas can up, his strong body easily lifting me out since the clicker wasn't weighing me down. As soon as he pulled me up, safely out of the RV, I fell back onto the top and caught my breath. I couldn't believe that that just happened, and that I successfully got the gas too. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Joel angrily whispered, not wanting to further rile up the clicker below us. 

I looked up at him, and he looked furious. His brows furrowed, fists clenched, body trembling. It was honestly fucking hot seeing him like that. 

I smiled as I said, “I got the gas.”

He scoffed at me, and he looked disdainful. I could tell that he was upset, but there was nothing to be upset about.Nothing even happened to me. I was completely okay. 

“Do you think this shit is funny? You almost died over a tank of gas. I almost lost you, right when I just fucking got you,” Joel whispered, the angry expression from his face falling into a hurt one. He turned away from me and started climb off of the RV. 

I quickly jumped down, gas still in hand, as I made my way to him. I touched his shoulder to make him stop, and he turned back and looked at me, his face sad and worried. 

“I'm sorry. I didn't think it was funny, I just thought you were overreacting. We needed the gas, I got it, and got out safe. I'm here with you, we're both fine.”

Joel shook his head and looked away from me, his face clouded with dolefulness. 

“I can't lose you, not now,” Joel replied, and I took his hand with my free one, but not before turning his face towards mine.

“I'm not that easy to get rid of. Let's put the gas in the van and go find Ellie, okay?”

He nodded in response, and leaned down and kissed me softly, pulling my body closer into his. The kiss was short and sweet, seeing how he broke away and turned from me, not breaking the contact with our hands, as we walked back to the van. 

I handed him the can and he started to fill up the tank as I went to the front of the van to begin hot wiring it to see if it would crank up. I first checked to see if there were any keys, and you could imagine my shock and delight when keys fell from the mirror above me after I opened it. 

I looked over to see Joel walking up next to me and I flashed a smirk as I showed him the keys. He smiled small back to me, and I couldn't help but feel bad. He was clearly still upset, and I needed to tone it down a bit. 

I put the keys in and crunk the van up, and it actually started with no hesitation. Joel was right, it was perfect. 

I climbed out of the driver's seat and went around to get into the passenger side as Joel got in. I smiled as I took off my backpack and threw it into the back seat, and Joel followed my actions. We both shut our doors and Joel begin to drive down the road, leaving the RV and the clicker behind. 

-

“We need some fucking music,” I grumbled as I grabbed a box behind me that had caught my eye beforehand. There were CDs and other miscellaneous items scattered through it. We had been in the car for hours, and I was becoming restless. I shuffled through the small box but none of the albums had really caught my eye. I sighed in annoyance and went to stick the box back behind me, but Joel stopped me. 

“Hey now, wait, grab that CD on the top there.” 

I looked at him and back at the CD in confusion as I pulled it out. It read; “Johnny Cash; American III: Solitary Man”

I passed it over to him as he flipped it over in his hand and read the back while looking back up at the road. He passed it back to me and asked me to put it into the CD player and skip to track fourteen. 

“What is it?” I asked as I put it in and started to flip through the songs, and Joel chuckled in response. 

“Just one of the greatest albums ever to have existed. Sarah and I used to listen to this, almost everyday. She'd beg me to sing her Wayfaring Stranger before she went to bed.”

I looked over at him as I found track fourteen, and a small smile was on his face as he recalled the memory. It made me sad yet happy at the same time. 

“She sounds like she was a wonderful kid Joel.”

He nodded as he kept his eyes on the road, and the song finally began. He softly started to hum to it, his deep voice matching Johnny's perfectly. Just listening to them made my body relax and my eyes heavy, the vibrations from Joel's deep humming seeming to run through my body. 

I looked out the window and watched the trees fly by as I felt Joel put his hand on my leg and squeezed my thigh. I looked over at him to see him smile softly back at me, and continue to hum along to the song. I reached down and put my hand over his, my small hand barely covering his large one. 

“You're so beautiful,” mumbled Joel, his words causing me to blush and for my heart to speed up. He never really complimented my appearance out loud, so the words actually coming from his mouth made me nervous. 

“So are you,” I replied, and Joel laughed out loud, rubbing my thigh absentmindedly back and forth. 

“I'm being serious,” he chuckled, looking back over at me. 

I jokingly scoffed as I said, “You have to say that, seeing how I'm one of the last females on earth.”

Joel chuckled again, shaking his head at my words, and continued to sing along to the song. I looked back down at Joel's hand on my thigh, and flipped it over in my palm, cradling his hand with mine, squeezing it. I glanced back over to Joel, and he grinned at me, a look of admiration drawn on his face. 

I couldn't believe that Joel was finally mine. After tip-toeing around our feelings for so long, we finally worked through it. I was beyond happy, but I was also scared. What happens when we find Ellie? What if we don't find Ellie? Will I be enough to keep him with me, or would he want to go our separate ways?

“Is something wrong?” Joel questioned worryingly, noticing how my expression was becoming clouded and sad. 

I shook my head, and squeezed his hand in comfort. I just wanted to enjoy Joel when I had him. Seeing him happy, seeing a completely different side of his usual hard exterior made me happy. I couldn't scare him off by my fears of what would happen in the future. 

After a few minutes, I fiddled with a piece of string dangling off of my shirt with my free hand. I never liked long car rides, it didn’t matter who I was with. Sitting in a hot car for hours on end just wasn’t my thing. The songs on the old CD finally came to an end as the sun started to set.

I opened the glovebox out of boredom and found a digital camera laying by itself, and there was a thick layer of dust covering it. I brushed the dust off and pressed the power button and of course, I didn’t expect anything to happen considering it had been sitting in that tiny glove box for years on end, but I was surprised. After a few seconds the screen lit up and went to a main menu. 

“Holy shit, this thing still works?” I asked out loud, and I saw Joel glance over to me curiously. 

It had been ages since I had used a device at all, so I really didn’t know what I was doing. I was pressing random buttons until a picture of a woman popped up. She had long, wavy, light brown hair and she was wearing a white flowy dress while standing in front of a waterfall. Her back was turned away from the camera but her head was at an angle where you could see half of her face. Her smile was beautiful, it was so hard to imagine that she and whoever took this photo are most likely dead. 

I pressed the arrow button on the side of the camera and more photos came up. A photo of the same woman appeared on the small screen, but she was with a man. They were both standing in front of the van that Joel and I were currently in, except it looked much cleaner and newer in the picture. The paint looked fresh and there weren’t spots of rust covering the entire thing. 

They genuinely looked happy, their smiles lit up the entire picture. I kept scrolling through the couple’s photos, feeling waves of sadness, happiness and uneasiness rush through me. The last photo in the album was of them in a field of flowers. He was knelt down on one knee with a ring in his hand, proposing to her. 

I stared at the picture for a couple of minutes just thinking what their names could have been and what their story was. Where they met, how long they knew each other, what adventures they had been on together, and god knows what else. 

Suddenly, the screen went black and the camera fully died.

I slowly put it back where it was and shut the glove box door. Joel looked over at me with a look of confusion on his face. 

“Are you sure you're okay?” he asked.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just, that couple in the pictures.. they looked so happy and now they’re probably gone.”

I felt him squeeze my hand as he said, “It's best not to think about the past. You'll never get through the day if you think about stuff like that.”

I nodded in response, and smiled reassuringly at him. It was true that it was better not to think about the people you've lost, but sometimes it was impossible not to. 

“You should get some rest. I'll wake you up when it gets dark, we'll pull over and go to sleep, then we'll head out again in the morning. We should be there by tomorrow,” Joel replied, keeping his eyes on the road. 

I slid down a bit in my seat to get comfortable, shutting my eyes. I quickly fell asleep to the sound of Joel humming and the feeling of his hand wrapped around mine. 

-

“Come on, get up now kiddo,” muttered a familiar deep voice. 

I groaned to the voice, and opened my eyes to see a smiling Joel leaning over me from his seat. The light was on in the van, slightly blinding me. 

“Where are we at?” I yawned, stretching in my seat. I looked out of the van to see darkness all around us, so I couldn't actually identify where we were.

“I drove to the middle of a field, we can see the entire perimeter around us so we will be able to notice if a group of infected comes near us. That way, we won't have to take turns keeping watch.”

I grinned up at him, a small smirk residing on his face. It was clear that he knew that he came up with a good idea.

“Are we going to be busy with something else?” I questioned, causing him to chuckle under his breath and shake his head. 

“Yeah, we're going to be busy eating, you deviant.”

I laughed, and leaned up to kiss him softly, and he happily kissed me back. He ran his hands up through my hair, pulling me closer to him as I let out a small sigh into his mouth. Our day was going incredibly, I couldn't remember the last time I had been so happy. 

He pulled back from me and whispered, “I want to show you somethin’.”

He opened his door and got out, but quickly made his way over to mine to open it for me. I hopped out of the seat and followed him to the back of the VW van. He surprised me whenever he began to climb on top of the back bumper and up to the roof of the vehicle, which made the van shake slightly. 

“Joel!” I giggled, “What the hell are you doing?”

He turned, a huge grin plastered on his face as he held out his hand, waiting for me to take it, so I grabbed his large palm and he helped lift me onto the roof. What surprised me even more though, was that he laid out a small blanket for us to lay on, and a few granola bars were pushed further up the blanket. 

“What's this?” I asked, shocked at what I saw before me. 

Joel looked away shyly, “I figured we could come up here and just take a break. God knows we need it.”

A smile formed on my face as I scooted myself closer to him.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” I said while looking into his eyes.

The moon was full, it’s radiant glow shined down onto Joel and I as we got comfortable, which was almost impossible considering we were sitting on the metal top of a van. But Joel somehow always made me feel at ease, even in a fucked up world like this. He handed me one of the expired granola bars and a small water bottle. 

“Where’d you find these anyway?” I asked

“In the very back. There’s clothes back there too in case you wanted to change into something else,” the sounds of him chewing muffled his voice.

I couldn't help but smile to myself. I could have never imagined that Joel would have this side to him, this sweet, thoughtful, caring side. I knew that I was falling for him, but I was scared to admit it to myself. The way Joel was, I had no clue if he would return the feelings. He was so quick to shut people out and to push away his emotions.

“We can sleep in the back of the van tonight and then hit the road again tomorrow,” Joel said, turning to me and taking my hand. 

I nodded and grinned in response, squeezing his hand and beginning to eat the granola bar.

-

The next morning:

“We’re getting a bit low on supplies, we could stop here,” Joel said, glancing over at me. We were in the middle of a small town near Salt Lake, and there were many small retail and grocery stores around us. It couldn’t hurt to go out and check everything out. 

I nodded eagerly, but it was mostly because I wanted to get the hell out of the van. It was cute and all that jazz, but we had been it for almost two days, and I was ready to part ways.

Joel parked the van on a curb next to one of the small grocery stores, and quickly pulled out his pistol. 

“You can hit the pharmacy and I could go see if there is any food left in there,” Joel said, nodding his head towards the grocery store. I nodded in response, and pulled out my gun, preparing myself for whatever was to come. 

Joel looked at me seriously as he asked, “Will you be okay going alone?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his concern, as if I hadn’t been alone by myself before I met him. I had to admit though, I enjoyed his sudden overbearing personality. It made me feel comforted that he wanted to go out of his way to protect me.

“I think that i’ll be just fine. I’ll see you when I get back,” I said as I leaned forward and kissed him quickly, then I jumped out of the van. It felt great to be stretching my legs again, I almost groaned out loud at the relief. 

As I was walking towards the pharmacy, I turned back to see Joel walking to the grocery store, his gun raised and prepared. I knew he would be fine by himself, but I couldn't help but worry. 

I walked into the pharmacy, and it was surprisingly open and a lot of light streamed in from the big front windows. It was easy to see if any infected were near me, which they weren’t, so I put my gun back into its holster. It didn’t seem as if anything in there had been touched for decades, and that was a great thing.

I quickly began to grab painkillers from the shelves, and anything else that looked handy. I stopped as I made my way over to the condoms, and couldn't help but laugh to myself. I grabbed one and flipped it over to see the expiration date.

1/30/2017

‘Well, that won’t help prevent anything,’ I thought to myself as I threw the condom pack back on the shelf, seeing how it had expired over twelve years ago. My thoughts were quickly interrupted by the sound of voices outside.

I immediately dropped low to the floor and crouched behind a shelf, seeing how the big windows could give away my location in a heartbeat. I made my way towards the window, darting behind shelves until I could safely see the people emitting the voices and still remain out of sight.

I peaked out the window to see three huge trucks with men and woman holding guns walking next to it, as if they were some sort of army. They all were wearing the same thing, a dark green top with jeans, and a hat with a symbol on it, but it was too hard to make out what it was from my distance. 

What helped me piece everything together was the large symbol drawn on the side of one of the trucks. I had seen the same shape on the shirt of the man who tried to kill me the first night Joel and I met. It was the fireflies.

When realization hit me, I was instantaneously afraid of them. I had almost died the first time they saw me, just because I had helped Joel, someone I had only known for a few hours. I couldn’t imagine the types of things they would do to me now seeing how close Joel and I were. 

Luckily, the threat that was looming passed as they drove past the pharmacy, but Joel still wasn’t in the clear. I had to get to the grocery store and make sure that he was alright. 

I moved back from the window so I wouldn’t be spotted by the group of fireflies roaming the street outside near the grocery store. I turned away, ready to find Joel and get the fuck out of there, but as I turned, I heard the distinct sound of a gun being cocked.

My heart sped up and I cried out in surprise as I fully turned around to face a young woman. She was a bit shorter than me, she had big green eyes and short brown hair. The most unique feature of her face was her eyebrow left eyebrow, which had a small slit in it, like it had been cut.

She looked absolutely furious, her small body shaking as she walked closer to me, pointing the gun directly in my face. I knew she wasn’t a firefly with how she was dressed, but that worried me even more. She was unpredictable, a liability. 

“Whoa, hey, calm down,” I said trying to reassure her, but she pushed the gun even closer to me, and put her finger on the trigger.

“Shut the hell up!” She yelled, and I lifted my hands in the air to show her that I wasn’t going to hurt her, but it didn’t help. She continued to move closer to me with the pistol. 

“Why the fuck can't you guys just leave me alone, huh? I can't do anything for you, so just let me live in peace,” she growled, and I quickly knew what was going on. She thought I was a firefly. 

“I'm not a firefly, I swear to god,” I replied, but she just scoffed and rolled her eyes, disbelief clear on her face. 

The tense atmosphere was interrupted because Joel suddenly ran into the room, from either hearing my cry or being concerned about the threat of the fireflies, gun cocked and ready to shoot.

Both me and the girl snapped our heads towards him, and I was quickly relieved after seeing him, knowing that he would be able to get us out of the situation.

His eyes grew wide as he looked between me and the girl, his face losing its color. He lowered his gun with shaky hands, and made eye contact with the girl. 

“Ellie?”


	9. Chapter Nine

“Holy shit,” whispered Ellie as realization hit her face. Joel smiled at her vulgar words and opened his arms, offering himself. Ellie didn't hesitate in running to Joel and jumping into them, and he held her tightly in an embrace. 

I stood there awkwardly, watching them hug and laugh, not knowing what exactly I was supposed to do. Praise to the lord that they had finally found each other again? I mean, she had just held me at gunpoint a few seconds earlier. 

Ellie pulled away from Joel, a huge smile lighting up her face. 

“What the fuck happened to you?” she questioned, her voice littered with excitement and curiosity, and Joel laughed at her eagerness.

“A group of fireflies grabbed me, I've been looking for you ever since Y/n saved me from them,” he replied, gesturing towards me. 

Ellie looked back at me with a smile, but uncertainty was apparent on her face. She clearly didn't trust me, and I wasn't sure how much I trusted her. 

“You've been helping him look for me?” Ellie asked, her face softening as I nodded. She moved away from Joel and closer to me as she apologized for having a gun in my face. 

“It's all good. I understand.”

Joel watched the conversation unfold before him and he smiled whenever she apologized to me, but I still couldn't help but feel uncomfortable in her presence. It sounds shitty to think that I had “competition” for Joel's affection, but that's exactly how it felt. 

“I'm glad that you and Joel became friends, and that you helped him look for me. It means a lot that you kept him sane while I wasn't there,” Ellie said, chuckling. 

I internally cringed at her usage of the word “friends,” because I knew that we were far from being just friends, but Joel didn't do anything to disagree with her statement. He just nodded and laughed with her. 

Not only that, but she was talking about my relationship with Joel as if I was a substitute for her while she was gone. I hadn't worked so hard for Joel's affection just to have him taken away from me. 

“Well, I'll show you guys where I've been held up. Do you have a car?”

-

Joel and Ellie ended up sitting in the front seat of the van, while I sat in the back. I understood that they needed to catch up and that she had to lead the way, so I didn't bother arguing against it because I didn't want to come off as a buzz kill or anything along those lines. 

The Johnny Cash CD from earlier was playing softly, I listened to it as Ellie gave Joel the directions back to her community. 

It seemed tainted in a way, seeing how it was a cute memory between Joel and me. Now, it seemed as if Ellie was included to it too. 

I was looking outside the window, watching the trees roll past the window as I heard Ellie softly whisper, “Is she okay to trust?”

I guess that she assumed that the music was loud enough to cover her whisper, but I could hear her clearly if I strained to listen. I should have felt bad for eavesdropping, but I honestly didn't care. I actually became slightly angry from the question she inquired, and I could feel my fists clench in annoyance. 

I watched Joel glance over to her out of the corner of my eye, and he nodded as he whispered, “I owe her my life and so much more. I trust her completely.”

Ellie looked skeptical as I watched her in the mirror, clearly not believing Joel's words.

“The fireflies haven't given me a moment to breathe at all, you really don't think that they would send someone out here to spy on you?”

I could hear Joel scoff quietly at Ellie’s words, and it relieved me to know that he didn't suspect me of such bullshit. I understood that they were all each other had and that they had to protect themselves, but I couldn’t believe that Ellie would reach so hard to suspect me. I wasn’t exactly sure what I had to do to gain her trust, but I knew that I had to if I wanted a relationship with Joel.

-

“This is my humble abode,” Ellie said as we walked into a small, run down house near the outskirts of Salt Lake. 

The car ride to the house had gotten incredibly quiet to the point where it was awkward, so I was glad that we had the opportunity to sit down and actually have a proper conversation, all three of us. 

Joel moved to sit on the couch and I followed behind him closely. I still felt a bit uncomfortable being in Ellie’s presence. I wasn’t sure why I felt so nervous being around her seeing how she was a child and I was a grown woman, but I guess it was because Joel put Ellie on a high pedestal. 

“I just have one question for you,” Joel said as we both moved to sit down, and Ellie looked to him expectantly. 

“Why did you go back to Salt Lake? After everything that happened?”

I was instantly confused, seeing how I don't know anything that fucking happened. I was tired of being left out in the dark, it's as if Joel kept secrets about absolutely everything. What the hell happened at Salt Lake? 

“I needed answers Joel. You weren't here, and I needed answers.”

Joel looked down at his hands, clearly pondering what to say to Ellie. He even had a trace of what looked like guilt on his face. 

Ellie's head turned to the window before Joel had a chance to reply, and she moved towards the door. 

“I'm going to get some air guys. I didn't expect today to be so crazy,” she said quietly as she walked out of the small house. I took that opportunity to turn Joel and ask him the question I've been wanting to ask all day. 

“What's your problem?” 

Joel looked over to me, his previous facial expression turning into a confused frown as he thought about how to answer my question. 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Joel replied, looking down to his hands awkwardly. For such a killing machine, he sure was shy when it came to confrontations. 

“Bullshit. Yesterday you were telling me that you wanted to be honest with me, and how you didn't want to lose me. Now, you're acting like our relationship didn't ever exist, and I don't understand anything that y'all are talking about. What the fuck happened in Salt Lake? I seriously don't understand,” I responded, wanting for him to just come out with it.

Joel sighed, and he looked over to me and reached to hold my hands in his. I quickly pulled my hands away, not wanting sudden physical contact from him, and he looked genuinely hurt and disappointed by my actions. At least he understood how it felt. 

He decided to avoid my Salt Lake question and just move onto our relationship. 

“I don't want to tell Ellie yet about our relationship. She doesn't know you well, and she's skeptical. I just don't want to set her off, because I just got her back. I can't lose her already.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes at his words because they completely contracted the foundation behind his relationship with Ellie. 

“If Ellie loves you as much as you say she does, and as much as it seems, then she'll be happy that you're happy. She won't hold you back,” I said. 

Joel looked sad with himself, and shook his head. 

“Just don't tell her yet. I'll tell her, but I need time to decide what I'm going to say.”

I couldn't believe his words as I looked at him with disbelief, annoyance obvious on my face, but he still didn't change his mind with his words. 

I was mostly hurt by his actions. I felt as if he were embarrassed of our relationship, and that idea instantly made me feel terrible. It felt like we had zero trust between us. 

“Are you ashamed of me or something? Of our relationship?” I asked quietly, and Joel looked at me with sudden love and concern on his face.

“Of course not. That's the exact oppos-”

 

The tense feeling in the air between me and Joel was cut short by the distinct sound of a gunshot, and we both instantly shot up off of the couch, ignoring our previous conversation and leaving it for another time. 

Knowing that Ellie was outside alone worried me, and I knew that Joel was most likely freaking the fuck out from how he jumped up, and the way his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Regardless how I currently felt about Ellie, and how she felt about me, I knew that I had to keep her safe from whatever came our way. 

I reached for my gun, pulling it out of my waistband, and followed a distressed Joel outside of the small house, and what I saw made me stop in fear.

The crowd of fireflies from earlier was there, they must have followed us, and they were trying to grab Ellie and force her into the back of a rundown van. Multiple muscular men were grabbing her as she dropped her gun during the struggle, she was squirming and shouting out for help. 

Joel looked furious as he pulled out his gun and began to shoot at the men, clipping one of the men on the shoulder, causing him to fall back and lose his grip on Ellie. 

I took that opportunity to run towards the men, in hopes of pulling Ellie completely loose from their hold, my adrenaline getting the best of me. I clearly wasn't thinking straight, the idea of running up to multiple grown men and taking them on myself should have ran fear through my body, but instead it motivated me. 

I ran up to the man holding Ellie's arms, and I jumped on top of his back, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him against me. He dropped Ellie, and that gave Ellie the chance to run towards Joel, grab her gun, and to shoot the men that were running her way. 

The man who I had my arms around threw me back into the van, and I grabbed at the walls as I slid deeper into the back. The sudden movement caused my ankle to twist in an uncomfortable way and I almost cried out from the overwhelming pain. The man turned towards me and jumped in with me,and then he straddled me by the hips so he could hold me down. He was a lot larger than Joel was, so his weight was almost crushing me to the point where I could barely breathe and it did not help that my foot felt like it was on fire. 

I lifted my arms so I could punch or scratch him, but he beat me to it by grabbing my wrists and slamming them down into the metal bottom of the van. I cried out in pain, knowing that his metal grip on my wrists would definitely bruise. 

I continued to scream and push against his body, so he let go of one of my wrists and instead began to choke me. I already could hardly breathe with his massive weight on me, so his hands m, ade everything much worse. 

I looked around his body, wiggling to see if I could see of Ellie was okay. I saw Ellie and Joel standing side by side, continuing the shoot at the incoming men, and I instantly lost the fight inside of me. 

I stopped struggling against the man as I made eye contact with Joel. This was how it was meant to be. I was never supposed to come here with Joel, him and Ellie were meant to find each other and that's what happened. I helped them find each other. I was content with my fate. 

Joel screamed out my name and started to move closer to the van as the doors shut, and the world went dark.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW PLOT TWIST TIME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So me and Allison aren't friends anymore LMAO so I'm writing the story by myself (I was pretty much doing it myself anyways tbh) so if the updates are slow, I'm so sorry. It's just me and I work all the time so I'll try to keep the ball rolling and update it as much as I can. Thank you for reading!

Slowly shaking myself awake and rising from the depths of oblivion, I could feel my sore body begin to come back to life. Awareness came quickly, and I realized that I wasn’t safe with Joel, but instead I was somewhere unknown. What had happened - Where was I?

So many scary thoughts of what was happening caused a thin layer of sweat to form on my eyebrows and upper lip. Fear was setting in and there was nothing I could do to stop it, no comforting words or thoughts, nothing reassuring came to mind. I had no clue what the hell was about to happen, so I took the opportunity to observe my surroundings.

I was placed in a seat while I was unconscious, and my arms and legs were bound the chair with rope. I could tell that I was struggling a bit in my sleep, because I could feel the start of rope burns on my wrists and ankles. I hissed from the pain and attempted to not move in my seat due to the heat that had already started to occur. There was a dull pain coming from my sprained ankle, but I knew it would be much worse if I tried to pull at the restraints. 

I looked around the dark, bare room; the only noticeable things were the door, the fact that it had no windows, and the cart next to me that was filled with knives and scalpels. My eyes went wide as I finally understood what was going on. The fireflies wanted information, and I was gonna be the one to give it to them, whether I liked it or not. 

My thoughts were cut short by the opening of the large metal door. The lights quickly turned on causing my eyes to squint. When I finally looked up to see what I was up against, my blood started to boil due to the man who walked in.

“Fucking Wyatt?” I growled, my lax hands molding into fists whenever I saw the bright grin on his face. Wyatt and Lucas must have been fireflies the entire time, sent to spy on Tommy until Joel arrived. 

The earlier questioning from Ellie asking Joel if I was a spy finally made sense, and the fact that this group of people would really send people to spy on us made me shake with rage. I felt like my trust had been beaten and battered, and the thought that Joel and I had actually had sex with a group of spies downstairs...it made my stomach flip with disgust.

Wyatt walked towards me, and kneeled in front of me, his once stoic face was now filled with glee as he watched me squirm under his unsettling gaze. I still couldn’t grasp the fact that sweet Lucas was a firefly.

“Now here’s what is gonna happen,” Wyatt said, looking up at me with fake comfort on his face. He was trying to trick me into trusting him, and I wasn't going to fall for it. Not again.

“I am going to ask you a few questions, and you’re going to simply answer them. If you do, nothing will happen, but if you don’t..” Wyatt glanced over to the cart filled with different weapons, and I shuddered with fear of what he would do to me.

“What do you want to know?” I whispered through clenched teeth. There was no way in hell that I was going to comply to his offers if it put Joel or Ellie at risk, and he could kiss my ass if he thought that I would.

“Where are Ellie and Joel going? During the attempt to take Ellie, they ran off after we got you and now we have no clue where they are. Any ideas?”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed at his question, as if I didn’t give a shit less about the situation, but inside it felt like my heart was breaking. So Joel really had left me and ran away with Ellie. Our relationship really was nothing to him, because if it was, he would have never left me to rot in the hold of the Fireflies. Still, I wasn’t going to sell him out. 

“And how the fuck am I supposed to know Wyatt? I’m not there, am I?” I retorted, giving him a look of annoyance that just caused him to chuckle and stand back up so that his form was towering over mine.

The look was wiped off of my face by the strong crack of his hand on my cheek, which caused me to grunt out in pain. I wanted to reach up to cover my face, so I began to tug on my restraints which caused even more burning pain.

I could feel my face begin to swell, but he clearly didn’t give a fuck. He went and slapped my face hard again, I withered in pain from the burning sensation. I started to cry, a wet tear rolled onto my stinging face, and Wyatt just laughed again at my sad attempt to stand up to him.

He moved over to the table, grabbing a small scalpel as he kneeled back in front of me and said, “Now, let's try again. Where. Are. They.”

I looked at the scalpel in his hand, and while I felt fear, there was no way that I would make an effort to help him, not after he betrayed my trust.

“Fuck. You.”

I emphasized my point by spitting directly into his face, immediately regretting my decision when I saw his expression.The previous smile on his face was completely wiped off, and he looked up at me with pure anger. His eyebrows slightly furrowed down closer to his eyes as the bright light above us flickered. 

Wyatt stood back up, the eye contact between him and I didn’t hesitate to die down. His figure towered over me as he turned around and slowly walked out of the door. 

My heart felt as if it was going to explode. The only noise I could hear were its loud, thumping beats and distant conversation on the other side of the large metal door. 

Not even ten seconds later the door opened up again as another figure walked in along with an angered Wyatt. I looked up to see that it was Lucas. It felt as if my heart stopped as I took in his boyish appearance, and he looked down at me sadly.

It was clear that he didn't want to be in this situation, I could see it in his eyes, but I'm sure that Wyatt was a good convincer. 

“I can't do this Wyatt,” Lucas mumbled, looking down at his hand, and that's when I finally noticed the scalpel clenched in his fist. Wyatt must have forced Lucas to come in here and to help torture me. 

“You're too big of a pussy to do your dirty work yourself?” I growled, looking back at Wyatt. His brows furrowed in anger, and he pushed Lucas out of the way so he could be near my face. 

He wrapped a big hand around my throat, squeezing hard as he yanked my neck towards him, moving my entire body and the chair off of the ground for a split second from his pure strength. 

I could feel my eyes begin to bulge out of my head as I struggled to breathe, but he grip wasn't letting up in the slightest. 

“If it was me doing it, I would have already slit your throat. Stop pushing me, before you see what can really happen,” Wyatt snarled into my ear, his voice a deep rasp. 

I continued to struggle against him, my nails scratching into the chair, my body trembling from the lack of air. 

“O-okay Wyatt, let her go, she can't breathe,” Lucas begged, walking up behind his older brother and putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Wyatt scoffed as he gave my throat one more tight squeeze and pulled back, smirking down at me whenever I started coughing from the sudden oxygen flooding my air stream. 

It felt as if my throat was on fire, and I knew that there would be bruises from the pads of his fingers on my neck. I looked up to see him pushing Lucas my way, and Lucas continued to look down at me in pity. 

“You don't have to do this,” I rasped, and I saw Wyatt visually become even angrier as we made eye contact. I knew that I should probably just stop talking, but I had faith that I could get through to Lucas. 

“Do it Lucas, before I do, and I promise that she'll never look the same again if I get my hands on that scalpel.”

Lucas looked back and forth between Wyatt and I, as if he was trying to decide just exactly what he wanted to do, and I decided to talk one more time. 

“Just do it,” I whispered, looking up at him. If someone was going to do it, I wanted it to be him. There was no telling what the hell Wyatt would do if he were the one to do it, so they might as well just get it over with. 

Lucas frowned down at me in misery as he mouthed a sorry before he leaned in towards my trembling body. He raised the scalpel, and brought it over to my cheek with a shaky hand as he took a deep breath. 

“Get on with it Lucas. Make sure you cut deep enough to leave a scar. I want her to live with this for the rest of her life,” Commanded Wyatt, a gleeful smile on his face. 

I looked up at him in annoyance, but my anger was halted by the feeling of the scalpel digging into the skin in my cheek, and he followed Wyatt's command by cutting so deep into my cheek that I could feel the blade almost cutting through my face. 

I whimpered and gripped the chair, shaking as Lucas cut a three inch gash into my cheek. I could feel hot tears sliding down my face as he kept slicing open my face, soft crys escaped from my throat. 

It felt as if it took him hours to finish, but in reality, it only probably lasted a couple of minutes. 

When Lucas pulled away, I looked up at him and he looked away from me as if he were ashamed. He leaned over to the cart and threw the now bloody scalpel down as he turned back to Wyatt and whispered, “There.”

Wyatt smirked at me as he nodded for Lucas to leave the room. I felt fear as he walked out, being alone with Wyatt now knowing that he was a complete psycho had me completely out of my comfort zone. 

He kneeled down in front of me once again and slid my chair near his body. 

“Now, I'm going to leave you here for a day or two, and when I come back, you're going to tell me why your little fucking boyfriend killed Marlene. If not, I'll just keep adding more scars to your new collection.”

I looked him up and down in disgust and confusion. Who in the fuck was Marlene, and why did Joel kill them in the first place. Luckily, I genuinely had no clue about what he was going on about, so I just kept my mouth shut. 

Wyatt stood and smiled down at me, and then he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him, and leaving me to sit alone with just my thoughts. 

-

 

“I wanted to come sooner,” whispered Lucas as he shuffled into the room, dragging a small cart along with him. 

I wasn't sure exactly how long I had been in the room. I lost track of time due to the fact that there were no windows, but I was considerably weaker than ever. My body felt stiff from the lack of movement and food, I could hardly even bring up my eyes to look at Lucas. My body was on fire from the assault it had take earlier, and I knew that the deep gash on my face was most likely infected by now. 

Lucas kneeled in front of me and tilted my face so he could see the damage. He sighed in frustration when he saw just had bad it was, and I knew that he most likely felt ashamed for being the one who hurt me in the first place. 

“I'll clean this and get it stitched up for you, then I'll feed you some food, okay?” questioned Lucas, looking into my eyes. I nodded in response, seeing how talking took too much of my strength. 

He pulled away as he turned to the cart he brought in, and he reached for peroxide and cotton balls. He moved back over to me as he carefully poured the peroxide onto the cotton ball, and raised it to my face. 

“It's infected so it might sting, but we need to clean it out as much as we can.”

He slowly started to dab my ruined face with the cotton ball, and while it did sting slightly, it didn't compare to the pain of the actual incision on my cheek. It didn't take him long to clean my face and get most of the infection out. 

Then, he stood and moved back to the cart, dropping the dirty cotton ball and bottle of peroxide, and instead picking up a needle and thread. 

He turned back and I glanced up at him as he hesitated to start closing up my wound. 

“Tell me if it's too much. I never meant for any of this to happen,” Lucas whispered sadly, and with that, he started to push the needle through my skin. 

I hissed in pain, squeezing the chair with my bound hands. I decided that the best way to ignore the pain was to ask questions to avert my focus.

“W-why are you helping me,” I hoarsely asked, my throat a hot fucking mess. It still hadn't fully healed from Wyatt's attack, and it hurt to talk.

“Wyatt decided being a part of the fireflies was the only way to actually live. I told him it wasn't, that we could make our own life, but he wouldn't listen. But he's my brother, and I couldn't let him leave on his own. He's all I have left.”

I understood what he was saying. Family was really the only solid trust foundation during the end of the world, and I could see why he wouldn't want to give that up. 

“Who's Marlene?” I asked quietly. Lucas pulled back a bit and looked at me in surprise. I wasn't sure if he believed that I truly didn't know, but his reaction made it seem like he did. 

“You don't know?” questioned Lucas, and I shook my head softly. 

He sighed, leaning back in and started to continue stitching up my face. I could feel that he was almost done, and I wanted to use my time wisely. 

“She was our leader,” he replied quietly, as if he knew he wasn't supposed to be talking about it.

“Why did Joel kill her?”

Lucas looked shocked by my question, but he continued to reply and give me answers. 

“Well, Joel smuggled Ellie because she had gotten bit, but she didn't turn, so Marlene thought she could be the cure,” Lucas said, almost finishing up my stitches.

“I've heard that part before,” I said softly, so Lucas continued. 

“Supposedly, Joel made it to the rendezvous point where Marlene wanted Ellie, and it was confirmed that she was the cure.”

It was my turn to be surprised as I took in Lucas’ words. So Ellie actually was the cure? Why wasn't she with the fireflies and helping erase the mess we called a world?

“The only way for Marlene to properly extract the cure from Ellie was to open her skull, and get it off of her brain, which would have killed her. I'm assuming that Joel didn't like that very much, and that's why he killed Marlene, and practically everyone at the facility.”

Everything finally made sense. The reason that Joel had been beaten by fireflies when I first found him was because he majorly fucked them over. The reason why Ellie went back to Salt Lake City was to find answers, because Joel kept them from her. I just didn't understand why the hell he never told me any of this. I could feel myself becoming angry at the fact, but I didn't make a scene to alarm Lucas. 

“Alright, I'm all done,” Lucas said, cutting the thread and checking out his handiwork. It already felt so much better than before, and I felt blessed that Lucas went out of his way to help me. 

He moved over to the cart once again and pulled out a bottle of water with a straw in the top. He lifted it up to my lips as I practically inhaled the water, but he didn't seem to mind. As soon as I finished, he pulled out a small bowl of what seemed like soup and spoon fed me. 

It was then that I decided to ask, “How long am I staying here?”

He shrugged, and looked down in disappointment. I didn't understand why they were even keeping me, it was clear that I didn't know anything. I had just learned about Marlene, and I had no clue where Ellie and Joel went. Just that they had left me. 

“I want to let you go but I can't. It's not my call.”

I could feel myself getting frustrated and upset, so I turned my head away from his spoon and looked down at the floor. It was frustrating knowing that Lucas had the opportunity to let me leave, but it wasn't “his call.”  
I could feel tears forming in my eyes but I started blinking rapidly to avoid crying in front of him. 

Lucas sighed, putting the spoon back into the bowl and sat it back on the cart, then he gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I shook my head to throw off his advances, and I could see the disappointment on his face from the corner of my eyes. 

“Please don't be like that,” Lucas whispered, and his words instantly triggered an anger inside of me. 

I snapped my head towards him, and I suddenly couldn't help the tears that started to run down my face. 

“How the hell am I supposed to be Lucas? I'm here against my will, being tortured for information that I don't even fucking know!” I yelled at him, and I watched his face flinch from my harsh words. 

“Please, don't be so loud, I understand that you're upset-”

“Upset?!” I screamed, jerking in my restraints, “Are you absolutely clueless about the situation I'm in right now?!”

Lucas backed away from me, lifting his hands slightly. It was clear that my screaming was going to alarm someone, but I couldn't control it. I had been stuck in the same room for who knows how many days, and I was over it. 

“Please, just get out..” I silently cried, tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't keep it in anymore, I knew that Lucas didn't have ill intentions but I just couldn't hold back the tears. 

“Okay, okay, calm down.. I’ll let you out.. just be quiet please” Lucas pulled out a small knife from the back pocket of his blue jeans, he paced behind me to cut the rope that had been keeping my hands tied together for days. Unfortunately, the large metal door busted open before he could successfully untie me. 

Wyatt’s rageful figure burst into the small room.

“What the fuck is going on in here?” he questioned, before he took in the sight before him. He saw Lucas helping me out of my restraints, he then looked up at my face to notice my stitched cut. 

I could feel Lucas’ trembling hands continue cutting the rope until I was finally cut loose. 

Lucas walked over to an angered Wyatt and held his hands up in surrender as he wrapped his fist around the small pocket knife, to show Wyatt that everything was alright.

“Wyatt.. I- I can explain. S-She needed help. She is going to die if she stays here. I couldn’t let her..” 

Lucas’ pity was cut short as Wyatt struck him across his pale face, causing him to fall to the ground from the blow, and for the small knife to clatter from his hand onto the floor and slide near me. This was my chance.

“I thought I told you to stay the fuck out of here!” yelled Wyatt, his breath heavy, “This bitch didn’t want to talk. She knew what was coming if she had stayed quiet and here you are, feeding her, stitching her up, and setting her free?” 

Wyatt’s towering figure stood over Lucas as he held the part of his face Wyatt had hit. 

Wyatt kneeled down on one knee in front of Lucas as he let out a long sigh and shook his head. 

“Shit, if I hadn’t known any better I would’ve stuck you in here too,” he softly said.

“You’re my fucking brother, Wyatt,” Lucas whimpered, looking up at his brothers frown. I couldn’t imagine how difficult those words were to process, to know that your own brother would rather give into the power of hurting people rather than having a loving relationship.

Seeing how Wyatt was distracted, I finally made my decision to crawl quickly to the knife that was beckoning to me. I clutched it in my trembling, weak hands and began to walk towards Wyatt, limping with my sprained ankle. I could see around him that Lucas’ eyesight averted from him to me, and his eyes widened at the sight.

“No! Don’t hurt him, please,” Lucas cried out, alarming Wyatt that I was behind him. I knew that Lucas loved his toxic brother, even though the love probably wasn’t shared, but I couldn’t help the anger that surged through me whenever Lucas begged me not to harm Wyatt.

“You sneaky bitch!” Wyatt yelled, pulling out his gun and moving towards me. I raised the knife, slashing at the air between me and Wyatt, but my frail body couldn't manage a fight. It wasn’t long before Wyatt smacked my hand hard enough for the knife to clatter to the hard floor once again.

He backed up slightly as he raised his gun and pointed it towards my face, and I instantly stilled. I couldn’t believe that this was it. That after surviving so long, my downfall was trusting people. 

“Wyatt, please..” I begged, tears continuing to run down my face as he laughed at my pleas. I never would have imagined in a million years that this man was capable of such coldness. I always had a bad feeling about him, ever since the first day I met him, but I never could have predicted that he was a cold blooded killer.

“No tears for the dead, sweetheart,” and Wyatt pulled the trigger. 

It all happened so quickly, it was almost impossible to comprehend what exactly happened. During the struggle between me and Wyatt, Lucas got up off of the floor and made his way over to us. As Wyatt shot the gun, Lucas jumped in between me and the bullet. 

I screamed as I watched his body hit the floor in front of me, his lower stomach bleeding rapidly from the bullet. Wyatt ran over to Lucas’ shuddering body, his face contorted in pain as he watched Lucas begin to cough up blood.

I could tell that I was going into shock by the way my hands were shaking and my vision was becoming fuzzy. I was dazed, and I raised a hand to cover my beating heart as I took in the scene in front of me.

Wyatt pulled back and looked over at me, and the only way I can describe the look on his face was pure rage. His body was trembling with anger, and I stumbled backwards into the wall as I tried to escape from him. 

“You stupid bitch!” he screamed as he reached for me and wrapped his hands around my throat once again, his hands were grasping at my throat, leaving me gasping out for air. My eyes were wide with fear and small ragged gasps were barely escaping my throat, the noise causing me to flinch in horror. A high pitched ring flew throughout my ears, along with Wyatt’s muffled yells and screams.

I could feel myself drifting to a place where all my worries were gone and life was simple. 

But then reality came back, I was almost out of time and I did the first thing I could think of. I clawed my nails into his hands uselessly, but my body was too powerless to do any real harm.

I ended up declawing my nails from Wyatt’s strong hands as I scarcely moved my head over to face Lucas. His wide teared up eyes locked onto mine as thick blood gurgled up out of his mouth and ran down the sides of his white, deadly face. 

I knew that he didn’t want any of this to happen. His hand covered the bullet wound as he tried so desperately to breathe. I sobbed while watching the life leave his body, his small frame gave one last shudder and his cold eyes were still locked onto mine. One last tear slipped out and then he stilled. His fight was over. 

I could see the edges of my vision turn black, and my body begin to stop its struggle. I looked over to the open door and watched two figures run into the room, one that looked similar to Joel’s. I knew that this was it, that I was done for. The only explanation I had for Joel being there was that I was hallucinating, and that my time had actually come. 

The figure moved further into the room, running towards Wyatt, I shut my eyes and prepared for my soon approaching death.

Only, that isn’t what happened.

The pressure from Wyatt’s hands were ripped away from my throat as the large figure collided itself into Wyatt. 

I quickly opened my watery eyes as my lungs filled with air, I could feel dryness in my throat as more air swept through. I coughed and held my hand up to my throat, I could already feel the bruising appearing on my skin. The second, smaller figure rushed towards me as the other, larger one was still on top of Wyatt.

After a few seconds, my vision slowly but surely came back, the high pitched ringing stopped and I looked up to see who was aiding me. 

It was Ellie. 

She asked me question after question, making sure that I was alright, but the only thing I was concerned about was who knocked Wyatt off of me. I sat up and looked over to see Joel punching Wyatt over and over and over… 

Loud, thundering footsteps made their way closer to our location as Ellie lifted me up and got me on my feet.

“I think you already fucking killed the guy, Joel. There are more coming, let’s go!” yelled Ellie

Joel gave Wyatt one final kick to the ribs and then wiped Wyatt’s blood off of his hands, onto his shirt. I leaned up against Joel, my body crashed into his as he lifted me up and threw me over his broad shoulder. 

My vision once again became blurry, my hearing became faint, and my body felt more weak and fragile than ever. 

Distant gunshots filled my ears,

And then everything went dark.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang heads back to the dam, AND SMUT. Also, Joel admits something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there is a bunch of smut at the end soooooooo if you aren't into that, beware. Please leave comments, they motivate me so much <3

My eyes cracked open, a pounding headache waking me up from my not so peaceful slumber. My dreams consisted of watching Lucas die over and over again, but I was hopeless in helping prevent his death. I guess you would call it more of a nightmare than a dream. 

I was laying on a couch, a small blanket thrown across my sore body. I didn't dare move, in fear of causing a lot more pain than what I already was in. My face was burning from the cut, and I could feel my ankle throbbing in pain. 

I took in my surroundings, realizing that we had moved to a different house than before, and noticed someone sitting in a chair across from the couch, watching me. It was Ellie. We made eye contact and she smiled warmly at me, in which I returned her a weak grin. 

“That scar is going to look badass,” she said, gesturing to the deep cut on my face. I forced a chuckle out, appreciating her effort, but the thought of how the cut originated made me feel unsettled. 

“Do you think Joel would like it?” I asked hoarsely, my voice sounded absolutely wrecked, and my throat burned when I talked. 

Ellie laughed as she nodded her head and said, “Totally.”

I opened my mouth again to ask her where exactly Joel was, but she cut me off before I could even ask. 

“Joel is out getting some stuff for your cut. We had a few painkillers, but you need something stronger if we want to make it back to Tommy's in one piece.”

I raised my eyebrows at the statement she made about Tommy. Had Joel told her about Marlene, or did she just decide it would be safer to go back? Regardless, that was a conversation for another time. It wasn't my place to tell Ellie what I knew. 

“So uh,” Ellie started, looking down awkwardly, her usual coolness suddenly disappearing, “How long have you and Joel been a thing?”

I looked at her with surprise on my face, and I decided to go the route Joel would have wanted me to. 

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

Ellie laughed and rolled her eyes at my response, shaking her head as she replied, “I saw the way he was looking at you when we first met. I saw how he acted whenever the fireflies took you. I've never seen him so angry, so upset.”

So Joel was upset whenever I was taken? I don't know how I expected him to feel. Happy? Relieved that I wasn't his responsibility anymore?

“I wanted to tell you, Joel just didn't think it was the right time,” I said, my voice deep and raspy. 

Ellie nodded at my words, “Sure sounds like Joel alright.”

I smiled at her softly as she moved closer to me, a sincere look on her face. 

“I just wanted to thank you. You got taken in place of me, and that was completely unfair. You don't know half of the things they wanted to know, and I'm so sorry that you were placed in that situation. And I'm sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable, or came off as bitchy.”

Her words took me aback. The fact that she was apologizing for something that wasn't even in her control, I didn't even know how to react. It was clear that she was sincere, and I appreciated it deeply. 

Before I had the opportunity to say thank you, I saw the front door open and Joel walk in. My heart stopped as I made eye contact with him, and took in his presence. 

He looked like absolute shit, not that I looked any better, bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in days, which he probably hadn't. He was still wearing the same shirt from earlier, traces of Wyatt's dried blood on the front of it. 

Ellie noticed the way we were gazing at each other, as if we had a thousands things we wanted to say, so she backed away towards the stairs awkwardly. 

“I'm going to go explore, let you guys have a little alone time.”

Joel finally looked over at her, a serious look on his face as he commanded for her to stay close and not to run off. 

“Yes dad,” she joked as she walked up the stairs, leaving Joel and I alone. 

Joel fully walked into the house, shutting the door behind him and tugging his backpack off of his broad shoulders. It made a loud thunk sound as it hit the floor, and he moved to pull a few items out of the bag. 

“So Lucas and Wyatt huh?” Joel questioned softly, but the anger was apparent in his voice as he continued to rummage through the bag. I wasn't quite sure if he was mad at the situation, or at me, but I knew it was better not to ask. 

“More like Wyatt,” I replied, my raspy voice causing me to flinch. It certainly wasn't attractive, but Joel pretended not to notice. 

“How do you mean?” he asked as he moved over to the couch after he got all of the supplies in his large hands. 

“Lucas was letting me go. Wyatt stopped him.”

Joel nodded in understanding as he dropped a few of the items to the ground and kneeled next to me, a small tube of neosporin in his hands. 

“I'm not surprised, he always had a thing for you,” he mumbled under his breath, and I snapped my eyes up to him. 

“He's fucking dead, Joel,” I said coldly, annoyance written all over my face. Lucas didn't deserve the way he died, he was a good person in a bad situation. 

Joel sighed as he opened the tube and spread some out on his large fingers, “I know. That's not how I meant it. I'm sorry that he died y/n.”

I nodded at his apology as he moved to my face and rubbed the cream over my stitches, causing me to flinch in pain. Even though he was barely touching me, my face still was overly sensitive from the movement. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, glancing up into my eyes before he moved his focus back to my cut. 

“Like shit,” I said quietly, shutting my eyes as he kept rubbing the cream on my face. I could get used to Joel babying me, the feeling of his fingers on my face relaxed me. 

“I'm sorry that I wasn't there sooner. I could've prevented all of this. If I was there, Wyatt would've never laid his fucking hands on you.”

I opened my eyes to see his eyebrows drawn in disappointment, frustration, and anger. It was clear that he also felt guilty for what happened, but it was no ones fault.

I reached one of my weak hands out to his face, touching his rough cheek. He gently leaned his face into my touch and shut his eyes, relishing my movements. I could feel my heart beating as I watched his face soften at my actions, his usual dark features turning into something else. It made butterflies flutter deep in my chest. It was clear that I was falling in love with Joel, and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it. I didn't want our love to be one sided, I wanted it to be all or nothing. 

I could feel myself becoming emotional, with how I felt about Joel and witnessing what I saw the previous day, it was just too much for me. I couldn't handle seeing another person die because of me, or lose someone close to me, it was becoming too difficult to handle. I felt tears begin to slip out of my eyes and roll down my face, and Joel opened his eyes after he heard me sniffle quietly.

“Don't cry sweetheart, it's okay,” he whispered, moving close to my face to kiss me softly and cradle my face in his large hands, careful to avoid the large cut. I raised my shaky arms and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him closer to me. Our kiss started to become desperate, I moved against him harder and faster, my breath speeding up as I whimpered into his mouth. 

The only explanation that I had for my sudden emotions is that I needed comfort in him. He was the only form of safe that I had in my life, and I couldn't let that go. 

He pulled back, surprise drawn on his face from my sudden assault on his lips. I wanted to pull him back into me, I wanted him to hold me and to tell me that everything was going to be okay even though I knew that it wasn't. 

“I'm here, you're okay,” he murmured, his hands still gently cradling my face. 

“It was terrible Joel,” I sobbed, recalling the events that happened a few hours ago. He looked at me sadly as he moved to where he could pull my entire body into his and hold me, but he was careful not to move my legs in fear of hurting my ankle. He must have noticed it whenever he was taking me away from the fireflies.

I cried softly into his shoulder as he held me tightly in his arms, the feeling of him being there comforted me. It gave me the motivation to finally confront him. 

“I know about Marlene,” I whispered into his shoulder, and I felt him still from my words. 

“What?” he questioned softly, and I knew that I caught him completely off guard. 

“Lucas told me everything. Why didn't you just tell me why the fireflies were after you?” I asked, pulling back and looking up into his ashamed face.

“Because I killed her for my own selfish reasons,” he replied bluntly, looking away from me.

I sniffed and turned his head back towards mine, and I shook my head in disagreement.

“That’s not true. You love Ellie, even if you don’t say it, and it’s clear that you would do anything to protect her.”

He shook his head at my words, “She would have wanted me to let her die. If it could prevent everyone from hiding from fear of the infected, she would have wanted it. But I couldn’t let her die.”

I understood why he would feel guilty, but there were so many ‘what ifs.’ I knew why he was scared to let her do it, but what were the chances of the cure actually helping anyone? 

“You owe it to her to tell her the truth.”

He looked at me, a grim look masking his face, and I was suddenly scared that I brought up Marlene in the first place. I didn't want to fight with Joel or anything like that, I was to the point where I was over that part of our relationship, and I hoped that he was too. I just thought he needed to tell Ellie. 

“We're going to Tommy's first thing in the morning so you'll be able to get strong safely. I'll give you some pain killers whenever you wake up, for now just get some rest,” he grumbled as he pulled back from me and stood up. 

“Joel,” I said, grabbing his arm before he could fully move away from me. He looked down at me, a small frown on his face. 

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to seem like I was pressuring you.”

He sighed as he leaned down and kissed me softly, pulling my sore body into his. 

“I know. Get some sleep.”

And with that, he pulled back and walked away, going up the stairs to find Ellie, and leaving me alone with my thoughts.

-

I woke up in the middle of the night, the living room dark and quiet. I noticed a large figure in the chair Ellie was sitting at earlier, and I could recognize that it was Joel. I smiled to myself at his sleeping body, and that was when I noticed a smaller figure laying at the end of the couch with me, and I automatically realized that it was Ellie. 

That didn’t explain the other figure in the room.

I was instantly awake, my thumping heart feeling as if it was the loudest thing in the room. I was careful not to make too much noise as I slowly sat up. I could hear soft noises emit from the creature, hinting to me that it was a clicker. I kicked my foot at Ellie, shaking her small body under mine to no avail. She groaned in her sleep, making the clicker more alert, its body jerking towards her direction.

I had to act fast to keep the monster from attacking Ellie, so I quickly jumped up from the couch, the clicker turning its head towards me. I completely forgot about my sprained ankle, so I fell onto the floor, and the clicker did not hesitate in making its way over to my frail body, towering before me. 

“Joel!” I screamed, crawling back away from the couch, the disfigured creature stumbling near me. I saw his body rising from the sudden shout, along with Ellies. I wasn’t too sure where they even left their weapons and how quickly they could reach them, but that was the last thing on my mind. The clicker was close enough to grab me, and it suddenly fell on top of me, hissing and growling near the flesh on my face. 

I grunted in fear, trying my best to keep the clickers distorted face from biting into mine, but the torture that my body induced in the most recent days had me beyond weak. It would have been a different story if I would have never been hurt, but from my ankle to my face to my food deprived body, there was no way that I could have fought the clicker off.

The hot heat radiating from its mouth was getting closer and closer to my face, and I could feel my frail arms begin to shake, my body becoming unable to hold it off.

I could hear a ruckus behind the monster, but it was too focused on me to pay any attention with what was happening. 

I knew that it was only a matter of second before I would lose my grip and it would all be over, so I let out one last cry for help through clenched teeth before I could feel my arms tremble and fall. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the feeling of teeth tearing into my flesh, but it never came. I slowly opened my eyes to see a shiv sticking out of the top of the clickers head, and to the sight of Ellie being the one who pushed it into its skull.

She quickly helped push the clicker off of me, and I thanked her quietly, the shock of the monster almost killing me causing me to remain frightened.

“I owed you one,” she muttered back, a small smile on her face. My thoughts of Ellie were torn away by the rush of Joel pulling me into his strong arms. I instantly clutched him back, pulling his body into my trembling one. It was clear that he didn’t care anymore if Ellie knew about our relationship, which made me very happy.

“Are you okay?” he questioned, pulling back and checking my face in the moonlight streaming in from the window. I shook my head and gestured to my ankle, the burning feeling coming from it was almost unbearable.

“I think I twisted it more, I don’t know if I can walk on it,”

Joel nodded at my words and helped lift me up, letting me lean on the side of his strong body as he held my hips. His arms were strong around my fragile body as we both watched Ellie tug on her backpack and look out of the window.

“There are more coming, we need to leave,” she whispered rapidly, reaching for Joel’s bag. Joel nodded his head in agreement as he dragged me towards the back door, following after Ellie. I cried out on pain at the feeling of my ankle rubbing against the hard wooden floor, and I clutched tightly at Joel’s shoulders. 

“I can’t walk Joel, it hurts too bad,” I whined, making him stop and huff in frustration.

“Baby, I know it hurts, but we can’t stop, they’re coming in,” he whispered, gesturing at the front door. I could hear hissing and screams coming from the door, and I knew that we had to leave immediately.

“Guys, stop fucking around! We have to go,” Ellie said in an exasperated, hushed tone, waiting for us at the opened back door. 

Joel looked at the door and then back to me.

“Fuck it,” he growled, quickly grabbing me and lifting my entire body in his arms bridal style. I felt a touch embarrassed in his grasp, like I was helpless, which I was. He ran towards Ellie right when the front door finally busted open, and the clickers rushed in. There were too many to count, and we were already outside before they all made their way in. 

Joel and Ellie sprinted across the back lawn, and made it back to the van in no time. Joel tugged the keys out of his pocket, careful not to drop me, as he tossed them to Ellie. I was surprised that she even knew how to drive, but that was the least of my worries as I watched the clickers making their way from the back door towards the front of the house.

Ellie wasted no time in unlocking the doors, throwing the bags into the passenger seat, and climbing into the front seat as Joel helped lift me into the back of the van, hopping in next to me.

“Go Ellie!” Joel commanded, whipping his head back to look at the oncoming clickers, who were rapidly approaching the van. She cranked up the old van and instantly sped off, leaving the monsters back at the house. 

Joel looked over at me, and I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I was holding, not believing that we made it out of that situation without even a scratch. 

“Are you alright?” Joel questioned once again, moving closer to me to look over my face, concern apparent on his own. 

I nodded, and couldn’t help but smile to myself. He looked at me as if I was crazy, not understanding why I was suddenly smiling.

“What?” Joel asked in confusion, sitting back in his seat, waiting for me to answer him.

“You called me baby,” I replied, recalling the events that happened moments earlier, and Joel surprisingly smiled back at me as he took in my words. I didn’t understand why I found it so humorous, but Joel clearly felt exactly the same way I did due to the large smile on his face.

He leaned forward as he kissed me passionately, pulling me into his arms, not caring about Ellie sitting in the front seat. 

“Ew guys! Get a fucking room,” Ellie shouted, disgust apparent in her voice. Joel slowly pulled away, giving me one last kiss before he fully sat back in his seat.

I laughed at Ellies disgust, and decided to tease her due to the sudden calm atmosphere in the car.

“As if you haven’t kissed a boy before,” I said to Ellie, watching her in the mirror. Her face shockingly became even more disgusted as she listened to my words, and she shook her head in disagreement.

“You’ve never kissed anyone?” I asked, and she laughed at my shock.

“I’ve kissed someone, they just weren’t a boy.”

Oh.

oh.

I looked over to Joel and he looked just as surprised as me, but he had a small, proud smile on his face. And with that, I sat back and didn’t reply because I was at a loss of words, but I knew that Ellie found it funny due to the large smirk on her face. 

“We should be at Tommy’s by late tomorrow. I didn’t plan on the head start, but I would rather you be safe rather than taking our time to make our way back,” Joel said, redirecting his attention to me.

“Do you think he’ll be mad, with what happened and everything?”

Joel sighed and nodded, “Most likely. We’ll find out tomorrow.”  
-  
“Ellie!” Maria yelled, running up to the young girl and embracing her in a hug. Tommy followed behind her, smiling at all three of us.

“I’m so glad that y’all made it back okay. Ellie, you really had us worried,” he said, looking in her direction. We made it back to the dam without a hitch or problem, and the feeling of being back made me feel as if I was returning home.

She pulled away from Maria as she glanced up at him, an ashamed smile on her face.

“Sorry uncle Tommy.” 

I could feel a smile spread across my face at her words. She was definitely growing on me, and I loved how she looked towards Joel’s family as if they were her family. 

He made his way over to Joel and hugged him, and then turned towards me but stopped cold whenever he saw my face. 

“Holy shit y/n, what happened?” Tommy questioned while looking at the cut on my face, causing Maria to look in concern. 

My reply was cut short due to Joel’s serious tone.

“We need to talk.”  
-  
“Goddamnit!” Tommy yelled, clearly beyond pissed at what happened the day earlier. 

“So now they have fucking spies watching us?” asked Maria, her face red with anger. 

I stood there, looking down at the hard floor beneath my feet. I never saw Tommy or Maria angry, so I felt uncomfortable as they yelled back and forth. Ellie stood next to me, along with Joel. Joel must have seen how uneasy I felt, so he took my palm into his.

Maria noticed the movement and a slight smile replaced her angry scowl for a split second.

“Well, we need to plan out what we are going to do if they ever come. Clearly they know a lot more about us than we know about them, so I would rather be safe than sorry,” Tommy said, and Joel nodded in agreement.

“You guys can just take the time to rest and get cleaned up, and we can figure out what we will do in the morning.”

-

I leaned against Joel as he helped me into the bathroom, my frail body trembling in his strong arms. He let me sit on the toilet as he moved over to the shower and started to run the water, letting his fingertips touch the water to see how hot or cold he wanted it.

“That seems good,” he said as he turned back to me, watching me slowly pull my shirt over my head. I didn't mean it in a way to be seductive, but the way his eyes darkened showed me that he found it to be attractive.

“Are you going to join me?” I questioned, casually removing my bra, releasing my pent up breasts. My nipples perked at the cold air of the bathroom, and I absentmindedly rubbed my hands over them.

I continued to undress myself on the toilet, being extra careful as I took off my pants and panties to avoid hitting or rubbing my sprained ankle.

I looked back at Joel as I went to remove my panties, and I could see that he already pulled off his shirt. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at his eagerness, but I was eager too so I couldn't complain.

Whenever he finished removing the rest of his clothes, I couldn't help gazing at his muscular body. I found myself in awe of his hard, lean frame as he stood naked before me. I tried to tear my gaze from the tan outline of his magnificent form, but it was no use, and his devilishly handsome features shifted into a knowing grin as he caught me staring.

“You ready?” he questioned softly, and I nodded in response.

He moved over to me, and lifted my naked body into his, carefully walking me to the running shower. I limped slightly next to his body, but he was cautious in not rushing me over.

He climbed in with me, letting me go first and following in after, placing his hands on my hips to turn me so that my back was to his front.

After I was okay to stand by myself, he pulled back his hands and reached for the soap. I turned slightly to take it out of his hands, but he shook his head in disagreement and kept the soap in his large palms.

“I want to clean you,” he said simply, and I snorted at his words even though inside I felt butterflies burst in my chest. The fact that he wanted to wash me seemed like such an intimate thing to do.

“Okay weirdo, take it away,” I replied, turning away from him and facing the wall of the shower.

Joel didn't reply and started to lather the soap on my back, his large fingers kneading into my sore skin. I couldn't help the throaty groan that slipped out of my lips, and I could hear Joel snicker from behind me at the noise.

He went lower from my upper back, to my hips, and finally to my ass. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and shut my eyes as I pushed my ass back into his hands, and he gave it a careful squeeze.

“Oh my god,” I whimpered as he pulled his hands away and reached around my body to my chest, grabbing my breasts and twisting my hardening nipples, the bar of soap massaging my breasts. I moaned into his touch, my mind blown at the fact that he initiated something so sexual between the both of us. It wasn't like Joel to make a move, so I was pleasantly surprised.

I groaned in disappointment as he removed his soapy hands from my chest and instead started to move them down my ribs and to my stomach, rubbing the soap into my skin. I could hear a sigh of content from behind me, and I turned back to look up into his face.

The water was hitting the back of his head, running down the sides of his face and down his tan chest. He had a small smirk on his face as he looked down at me, knowing that he was teasing me and working me up.

I tried to lean up to where I was able to reach him so I could kiss his lips, but I stepped on my ankle the wrong way, which caused me to cry out in pain. I fell back into Joel's strong arms, and he held me tightly, catching me from my fall.

“Be careful baby girl, I'm right here.”

I once again could feel my heart speed up from his words, especially the use of “baby girl.” He truly didn't know what kind of effect those types of words had on me, and I could feel myself blush.

I went back into leaning into him, and his hands left my hips and ran down to my thighs. The hand that wasn't holding the bar of soap slowly edged to the growing heat between my legs, causing my breath to hitch in anticipation.

As he slowly started to rub me with two of his long fingers, I let out a shaky breath and rolled my hips to his touches. He didn’t hold me back, letting me hump his hand, and my entire body jerked whenever the tip of one of his fingers rubbed across my clit.

“Jesus Christ,” I moaned as he slipped two of his fingers inside of me and began to scissor them in and out of my tight walls. I bit my lip to prevent myself from moaning out loud, and then I gripped his strong arm with my hands, holding onto him for support.

He didn't seem to mind as he pulled me closer into his body and fucked me with his fingers, causing my toes to curl into the wet bath tiles below my feet.

He leaned forward, kissing and sucking on my neck as I shuddered in his hold, and that's when I could feel my orgasm approaching quickly. Only Joel could make me come all over myself in just a matter of minutes, and I know he could tell that I was about to come with the way my legs were quivering and the way my pussy was clenching around his fingers.

Almost in an instant, his fingers were taken away and I almost cried out in disappointment. I turned to look back at him, confusion written across my face as I saw him smirking down at me, a goofy smile drawn on his handsome face. It was odd seeing him look so playful, it contradicted the normal stoic expression he sported daily.

“My turn,” he replied simply, handing me the bar of soap he had in his hand. I took it from him, but I still watched him, dumbfounded by his actions.

He chuckled as he took in my expression, “Are you going to clean me or what?”

It was clear that Joel wanted to play some sort of teasing game, and I knew that two could play.

I grumbled under my breath as I turned around fully and moved closer to his muscular frame, rubbing the soap into his broad shoulders. He grabbed my hips with his hands and shut his eyes, clearly relaxing to the feeling of me cleaning him, and that's when I decided that I wanted my payback.

I made sure that I took my time on the upper part of his body, rubbing the soap into his chest, back, and stomach. A few groans slipped past his lips as I massaged the buds into his tanned skin, cleaning the weeks worth of dirt and grime from his body.

I looked up at him once again before I carefully dropped down to my knees before him. The noise from the movement alerted him, and his eyes opened. They quickly widened as he noticed my position, and he shook his head in confusion.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, and I smirked up at him as I replied that I was going to clean him. He didn't exactly say anything, but he looked at me with what seemed like wariness as I leaned forward and started to wash up his legs. I started from the ankles and made my way up to his thighs, his dick twitching whenever I reached his mid thigh.

I continued to wash his strong legs, and then I looked up, locking eyes with him. I held his thighs as I moved closer to his dick, slowly to put him on edge. As I finally reached my destination, I saw his hands turn into clenching fists, and I couldn't help the smirk that fell across my face once again.

I leaned forward and kissed the tip of his cock, causing it to twitch underneath my lips and for him to let out a throaty groan.

His eyelids were half open as I fully engulfed him into my mouth, slowly beginning to bob my head on his length.

I dropped the soap entirely as I lifted my hands to clench his thighs, sucking off his hardening cock. I could hear soft groans coming from above me, and I glanced back up to see his eyes completely shut and clenched. 

He began to reach down, attempting to lace his fingers into my hair, but I stopped him by slapping at his hand, causing his eyes to open. He glowered down at me, the playful look from earlier completely wiped off of his face, which gave me a rush of glee. 

I continued to suck his dick, dropping one of my hands from his thigh and moving it over to the base of his length, jerking off the part that didn't fit in my mouth. 

His legs started to shudder as I jerked him off faster, and grazed my teeth along the bottom of his cock. 

I knew that he was getting close to reaching his orgasm, and that's when I decided to pull away fully.

I sat there, breathing hard as I looked up at him, and I instantly knew that I fucked up. He looked beyond pissed, and he quickly went to turn off the shower and pull me up into his arms, still being careful not to hurt my ankle. 

“What are you doing?” I asked Joel as he led me out of the shower, and then into the bedroom, not even bothering to dry me or himself off. 

“Takin’ you to the bed, so I can show you what happens when you tease me,” growled Joel, his texan accent thick and his voice deep.

A rush of wetness immediately went between my legs at his words, and at the thought of Joel showing me “what happens.”

Joel climbed onto the bed first, and then pulled me on top of his strong thighs, making it to where I was looking down at him. His chest was heaving with anticipation, his hands were on my hips, and his face was flushed. 

“Now, you're going to ride me and you're not going to stop until I say so,” he commanded. I instantly nodded as I rushed to climb onto his length, the idea of riding him making me beyond eager. 

As soon as his cock was situated in between my thighs, I slowly sunk down on his length, his dick stretching my tight walls. I shut my eyes as I moaned out at the feeling of his cock filling me up, and at the feeling of his rough hands moving to squeeze my hips. 

“Ride me,” Joel growled as he randomly thrusted his hips up, causing me to cry out in surprise and grip his shoulders to keep myself from falling completely on top of him. I began to ride him, rolling my hips back and forth at a quick pace, causing his eyes to flutter close for a moment, and made his head tilt back in pleasure.

The slick sounds of his cock moving in and out of my abused pussy made me shut my eyes in embarrassment, but Joel clearly enjoyed it by the look of pure ecstasy on his dark face.

He suddenly thrust his hips upward once, catching me off guard. I clenched his shoulders even tighter, possibly leaving bruises, at the feeling of his cock moving deeper inside of me, and I arched my back, legs spreading even farther apart.

He lifted me up and suddenly slammed my body down onto his cock as he thrusted up into me, a mixture of loud moans coming from the both of us. He kept the fast rhythm as he simultaneously moved his body into mine, completely controlling the situation even though I was on the top.

"Joel!" I whimpered loudly, "Fuck…" I groaned loudly, unable to form a coherent sentence.

He moved my hips in circles, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead, all the way down his face, and to his neck. I leaned down, my chest pressing to his, my nipples hard. I sucked on his neck, the perspiration on his skin salty. I could feel my thighs shaking as my orgasm started to approach me quickly.

“Stop riding me,” Joel commanded quietly, his strong grip on his hips halting my movements. I ignored his statement and kept trying to roll my hips on his cock, the building pressure was just too much to pass up.

“I said stop,” Joel growled as he slapped my ass hard, making me cry out and jolt on top of his body. I finally stopped moving and looked down at him, a small smirk on his face.

He held my hips for a few more seconds, my building orgasm depleting, whenever he commanded me to ride him again.

So that was his game. To fuck me and then as soon as I was close to coming, to make me stop?

Whenever I started to roll my hips again, he placed a hand in the middle of my back and pressed our sweaty bodies even closer together, his lips capturing mine in a hungry and desperate kiss. I ground down onto him, rubbing my clit against him, the waves of pleasure already coursing through me intensifying.

He smirked through our kiss and took advantage of the new angle I had given him, slamming into my g-spot with every thrust. His chest rumbled as he growled lowly, the pleasure of my heat becoming too much for him.

“Stop,” Joel said once again, but this time his voice was shaky with pleasure. It was easy to see that the situation wasn’t only affecting me, but him too. I couldn’t help but sob at his request, the lack of stimulation frustrating me beyond words.

“Joel, please,” I cried out in frustration, my eyes watering from the built up teasing and exasperation. A look of pity fleeted across his face as he saw the tears in my eyes. He carefully flipped my body onto the mattress, being extra cautious in avoiding my ankle.

He started to slowly fuck me again, but moved his hand in between our bodies, rubbing at my clit quickly. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, and pulled his body closer into mine as he started to pick up the pace. 

The head of his cock hit my g-spot perfectly, which finally pushed me over the edge. I whimpered his name, gripping his muscular biceps as he rode my orgasm out, until reaching his own. I felt his cum fill me up, my back arching, chest pressing against his. He slowed down, finally coming to a stop and settling on top of me. We both caught our breath as he pulled out, a thin layer of sweat coating me and him.

It wasn’t long until I could feel the exhaustion from the day settling in and causing my body to become heavy. I could feel Joel adjusting us, pulling the blanket out from under us and draping it over our tired bodies.

I cuddled my body into Joel’s as my eyelids finally shut and my breathing evened out.

“I love you,” Joel mumbled softly as he pressed a small kiss into my damp hair. I was too far into almost being asleep to acknowledge his words, but I could feel my heart beginning to race and I knew that his words changed everything. Joel admitted that he loved me, and I loved him.

He pulled me closer to his large body, and it didn’t take long for us both to drift into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked ittttt, feel free to leave comments

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!


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